"Merritt and Gretchen are engaged to be engaged," my little sister announced to the ladies around us at the scrapbooking retreat in January. "So, we won't really be surprised when they get engaged, but I'll probably still cry."
A few weeks later, flying from Natalie's house to Merritt's, I found the note Natalie had stuck in my backpack. "Thank you for showing me how to wait to be engaged."
I'm still not sure what I showed Natalie that visit. Though I may have met my future husband at 13, that has never meant I had it easy. In fact, I think the waiting is in many ways only harder when you have someone. But let me tell you, the wait is so worth it, to have his love! And yes, finally, his ring on my finger.
At the first of the year, we talked with my parents about getting married sooner rather than later. There was no question that we were meant for each other, it was just the timing. And a big factor in the timing was a place to live. Merritt spent January filling out applications and filing for permits. He updated me with the progress, and finally gave me the hint that he thought he could have a place built by June. If we got a permit for a drain field on his property. And that "if" had only been getting bigger since he began to test the soil last summer.
Meanwhile, I was planning a trip to Natalie's the first of February, and really wanted to see Merritt again on the way back. We wanted to spend Valentine's Day together.
Of course, I also thought Valentine's Day would be a great time to get engaged. But I refrained from mentioning that to Merritt. And kept telling Natalie all the reasons why it wouldn't happen, when she was so emphatically sure I would get engaged on February 14th.
Finally, on Thursday afternoon, Merritt called to tell me that he'd talked to my dad, and he'd said yes...I could go visit Merritt the next Monday. Merritt said they talked for about 20 minutes, and he mentioned being excited to actually get an answer from my dad. Was it about more than just a plane ticket? I didn't dare ask.
Natalie was immediately convinced that a week hence I would have a ring on my finger. I reminded her that our ring shopping had consisted of Merritt dragging a very embarassed Gretchen over to the ring cases at Costco before Thanksgiving. I doubted there would be a ring. But I did hope he would pop the question.
The rest of the day I alternated between worrying about him and trying to change my thinking in realization that the way Merritt sounded, there was no way I was going to be getting engaged in the next 48 hours. I couldn't sleep that night. And yes, I cried a few tears. I had really been hoping I could get engaged this Valentine's Day. But that didn't matter to me any more. I knew I would get to marry Merritt sometime. If this wasn't the right time to pop the question, I knew he'd figure out something even more romantic. I was just so worried for him, that I kept praying that God would encourage him.
Monday, February 13th found me landing in my beloved's arms (after many hours in the airport and a delayed flight). He had a card waiting for me, saying, "I can't wait for the day when I can bring you home with me for good." Reading his words, I knew it didn't matter if we got engaged the next day--I was Merritt's girl, and that was all that mattered.
I wore one of his favorite pink shirts for Valentine's Day. And Merritt planned to take me out to dinner in the evening. While he was out doing chores, I put his Valentine's present on his desk. A red picture frame with "I love you" written all over it, and a picture Natalie had taken of me the week before. It was the same thing as his Christmas gift, but somehow, picture frames with me in them are always a hit where my man is concerned! Then he gave me my Valentine's gift--a two-sided square red frame that had the word "Forever" on top, and of course, our picture on both sides.
I knew then for sure that the adorable frame--and not a ring--was my Valentine's gift. But I was focused on enjoying my first Valentine's Day with my Valentine. And not even the lack of a proposal was going to spoil my day!
I was delighted when he asked me on a walk before we went to dinner. He knows how I cherish our walks together. And I was anxious to see the spot he had staked out for our home--if we could put in a drain field there. It was a beautiful day for a walk. Merritt had been convinced the weather would turn beautiful as soon as I arrived, and it had.
I cherished those minutes walking in the sunshine, holding his hand. I knew we were just going on a walk, but I was loving every minute, for it was rare we actually found the time to enjoy a walk, just the two of us. I thought the view was perfect from my future kitchen window. And yes, I was sure I wanted him. I laughed as he kept asking me if I was really sure. Of course I was!
Pretty soon I began to think that we should head home and go to town. After all, we had some errands to do before our dinner date. But why would I complain, when I was enjoying such a picturesque view in the company of such a handsome man?
Then, I knew why he wasn't in a hurry to leave. He started digging in his pocket, and asked me again if I was really sure. When I said yes, he got down on one knee, and put the most beautiful ring on my finger.
I don't think we stopped smiling that day. I heard "the rest of the story", as Paul Harvey would say. I found out that Merritt had asked my dad that previous Wednesday if he could marry me. But Dad had said he would get back to him. And Merritt still hadn't heard back from Dad when I talked to him on Sunday afternoon. That was why he sounded like he did! Of course, right after he talked to me, he talked to my dad. And my daddy said yes! I also found out that Merritt had the ring since the first week of January (but that's an amazing story that will have to wait for another day).
How do you wait to be engaged? One day at a time. Cherish the moments you have together. Enjoy the little things. Remember that he loves you and is going to ask you as soon as he can--if he seems to be delaying, he has a good reason. Don't keep assuming it's going to happen. And don't second-guess his every move. (Until he starts digging in his pocket on a long romantic walk...)
Natalie summed it up thus:
A few weeks later, flying from Natalie's house to Merritt's, I found the note Natalie had stuck in my backpack. "Thank you for showing me how to wait to be engaged."
I'm still not sure what I showed Natalie that visit. Though I may have met my future husband at 13, that has never meant I had it easy. In fact, I think the waiting is in many ways only harder when you have someone. But let me tell you, the wait is so worth it, to have his love! And yes, finally, his ring on my finger.
At the first of the year, we talked with my parents about getting married sooner rather than later. There was no question that we were meant for each other, it was just the timing. And a big factor in the timing was a place to live. Merritt spent January filling out applications and filing for permits. He updated me with the progress, and finally gave me the hint that he thought he could have a place built by June. If we got a permit for a drain field on his property. And that "if" had only been getting bigger since he began to test the soil last summer.
January 9th
Lord, please help me to keep a positive, joyful spirit. Help me to remember that Merritt, like Boaz, will not rest until he settles the matter. May I be able to lay aside my hopes until I am free to start planning.
January 11th
Please, Lord, let me see him for Valentine's Day. Please help us to be engaged and be able to tell the world soon.
January 13th
Lord, You know the date for our wedding. Please show it to us soon.
Meanwhile, I was planning a trip to Natalie's the first of February, and really wanted to see Merritt again on the way back. We wanted to spend Valentine's Day together.
Of course, I also thought Valentine's Day would be a great time to get engaged. But I refrained from mentioning that to Merritt. And kept telling Natalie all the reasons why it wouldn't happen, when she was so emphatically sure I would get engaged on February 14th.
January 24thI got a one-way ticket to Natalie's house, and Merritt said he'd keep in touch with my parents and (hopefully) get permission for me to come visit him. I didn't let myself get excited about going to see him, but I really hoped I would. Meanwhile, I bought so many books that I rather dreaded the thought of arriving at his house with a whole extra suitcase. But it would be worth getting teased about packing so much if I got to see him!
Your will, Lord, in Your time. That is what we want. Even if our dreams are all shattered in the process. But please, God, let us be married soon! How can I be so content and yet so anxiously pleading? You know, Lord. You do all things well.
January 30th
Lord Jesus, I want to be able to see Merritt. I'd love to spend Valentine's Day with him. But maybe it would be too hard because we wouldn't have any answers yet. Help me accept Your will, Lord. I need Your peace.
February 1st
Lord, let this be a month of gladness, rejoicing, love...and making plans! Please, Lord, bring us the fruition of our dreams. And please, give us a drainfield. Bless Merritt today. Give him a smile. I love You, Lord.
February 3rd
Lord, please guide about the plans for the drain field. Please make it go quickly. Please let us be engaged soon! Please Lord, can we get married soon? Please guide us.
Finally, on Thursday afternoon, Merritt called to tell me that he'd talked to my dad, and he'd said yes...I could go visit Merritt the next Monday. Merritt said they talked for about 20 minutes, and he mentioned being excited to actually get an answer from my dad. Was it about more than just a plane ticket? I didn't dare ask.
Natalie was immediately convinced that a week hence I would have a ring on my finger. I reminded her that our ring shopping had consisted of Merritt dragging a very embarassed Gretchen over to the ring cases at Costco before Thanksgiving. I doubted there would be a ring. But I did hope he would pop the question.
February 9th
Father, thank You for Merritt. I don't deserve him. He is so good to me. Oh Lord, I don't know if we will be able to get engaged now or not, but Lord, You do. Oh but please, Lord, can I be engaged? Oh but that is so selfish. I have this man who loves me so. Forgive me Lord for wanting more than You give. Your will be done.As the weekend drew near, Merritt sounded more and more discouraged every time I talkd to him. By Sunday afternoon, he sounded really depressed. I asked him what was wrong, and he said we'd talk about it when I came. I kept asking if he wanted to talk about it then, but he said no, it would wait. I dared a question about the drain field, but no, still no answer on that. And I knew he wouldn't ask me until he knew he could build on his place.
The rest of the day I alternated between worrying about him and trying to change my thinking in realization that the way Merritt sounded, there was no way I was going to be getting engaged in the next 48 hours. I couldn't sleep that night. And yes, I cried a few tears. I had really been hoping I could get engaged this Valentine's Day. But that didn't matter to me any more. I knew I would get to marry Merritt sometime. If this wasn't the right time to pop the question, I knew he'd figure out something even more romantic. I was just so worried for him, that I kept praying that God would encourage him.
Monday, February 13th found me landing in my beloved's arms (after many hours in the airport and a delayed flight). He had a card waiting for me, saying, "I can't wait for the day when I can bring you home with me for good." Reading his words, I knew it didn't matter if we got engaged the next day--I was Merritt's girl, and that was all that mattered.
I wore one of his favorite pink shirts for Valentine's Day. And Merritt planned to take me out to dinner in the evening. While he was out doing chores, I put his Valentine's present on his desk. A red picture frame with "I love you" written all over it, and a picture Natalie had taken of me the week before. It was the same thing as his Christmas gift, but somehow, picture frames with me in them are always a hit where my man is concerned! Then he gave me my Valentine's gift--a two-sided square red frame that had the word "Forever" on top, and of course, our picture on both sides.
I knew then for sure that the adorable frame--and not a ring--was my Valentine's gift. But I was focused on enjoying my first Valentine's Day with my Valentine. And not even the lack of a proposal was going to spoil my day!
I was delighted when he asked me on a walk before we went to dinner. He knows how I cherish our walks together. And I was anxious to see the spot he had staked out for our home--if we could put in a drain field there. It was a beautiful day for a walk. Merritt had been convinced the weather would turn beautiful as soon as I arrived, and it had.
I cherished those minutes walking in the sunshine, holding his hand. I knew we were just going on a walk, but I was loving every minute, for it was rare we actually found the time to enjoy a walk, just the two of us. I thought the view was perfect from my future kitchen window. And yes, I was sure I wanted him. I laughed as he kept asking me if I was really sure. Of course I was!
Pretty soon I began to think that we should head home and go to town. After all, we had some errands to do before our dinner date. But why would I complain, when I was enjoying such a picturesque view in the company of such a handsome man?
Then, I knew why he wasn't in a hurry to leave. He started digging in his pocket, and asked me again if I was really sure. When I said yes, he got down on one knee, and put the most beautiful ring on my finger.
I don't think we stopped smiling that day. I heard "the rest of the story", as Paul Harvey would say. I found out that Merritt had asked my dad that previous Wednesday if he could marry me. But Dad had said he would get back to him. And Merritt still hadn't heard back from Dad when I talked to him on Sunday afternoon. That was why he sounded like he did! Of course, right after he talked to me, he talked to my dad. And my daddy said yes! I also found out that Merritt had the ring since the first week of January (but that's an amazing story that will have to wait for another day).
How do you wait to be engaged? One day at a time. Cherish the moments you have together. Enjoy the little things. Remember that he loves you and is going to ask you as soon as he can--if he seems to be delaying, he has a good reason. Don't keep assuming it's going to happen. And don't second-guess his every move. (Until he starts digging in his pocket on a long romantic walk...)
Natalie summed it up thus:
My advice would be to focus on savoring each moment. It's only going to get more intense once you are engaged and just want the wedding to be here. But try, try, try to savor it--you'll never regret drinking every bit from every moment--but you will regret if all you can remember from right now is being impatient for him to pop the question.
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18 comments:
Your romance sounds like a fairy-tale, Gretchen! Thank you for being an encouragement even in this! As I am still waiting, I will really take Natalie's comment to heart.
What a beautiful, beautiful story, Gretchen!! Truly, it is worth the wait and God's timing is perfect. Thanks so much for writing this post!!!
Gretchen, you are so right to encourage girls to savour every minute, and not worry about THE moment. He will ask as soon as he can. For my man, he was waiting for the ring to be ready at the jewlerers. We already had our wedding date figured out, so this was kind of a hard waiting period, too! I just wanted to be able to say I belonged to him! In the end of course, it was perfect and he even managed to surprise me! :)
Gretchen, that was really encouraging and a good reminder for me. I'm "engaged to be engaged," so to speak but my man is in seminary so sometimes I just go, 'Lord, am I going to have to wait three years?' But it's good to take in and enjoy the place God has us now.
God bless!
Aw, Gretchen, this is so sweet! What a wonderful man you have... clearly so incredibly in love with his beautiful red-headed girl. :) I love to tell our engagement story, of how I was unbelievably surprised and in no way expected it, of the waterfall my beloved took me to and the log we sat on with our feet dangling over the stream, of the fact that I was completely speechless and just stared at him for the first few seconds (poor guy!), then just smiled and cried and nodded... and on and on. :) What fun to read your fairy-tale!
I'm eagerly looking forward to "savoring" a relationship! :o) But being able to savor later on, means I must learn how to savor life where I'm at now. Otherwise, I'll constantly be looking for the next thing coming...like wedding bells (missing the other important things going on that moment). Easier said than done, right?! :o)
Thanks for the post, Gretchen -- it was real encouraging (boy! that word is overly used, I got to think of another one, lol).
~ Chelsea
Thanks for sharing, Gretchen. What a beautiful proposal!
Now you have to share the "amazing ring story"; I'm curious to hear it. Like Merritt, my husband had my ring for 6 weeks before he proposed -- he hid on the spice rack in his kitchen!
Savor these last weeks of engagement. Before you know it they will all be a memory and you'll be savoring the days of marriage!
Christian
Thank you SO much Gretchen..you have no idea how much reading this post has helped me.
Sometimes its so difficult to wait, all you want is your life to begin with the man you love. But your so right... these moments I have with my love before we are engaged are precious and an amazing time to fall even deeper in love with one another. Theres no better time then this to begin practicing the very things that I will apply within my marriage as well (ie respect, submission, etc).
Its hard to wait...no doubt about it. Yet I think I'm finally understand the time will come soon enough, and when it does, it will be GODs perfect timing, no my own.
God bless, and keep em' coming! Your post encourage me more then I can say!
~Katie
p.s. I have a "ring story" of my own I should send you guys...a promise ring. Its quite the horrific/funny/amazing story. Lets just say its a tale both sad and joyous that will surely cause you to laugh, grasp, cry, then be merry.
But being able to savor later on, means I must learn how to savor life where I'm at now. Otherwise, I'll constantly be looking for the next thing coming...like wedding bells (missing the other important things going on that moment).
What a great thought for me to chew on, Chelsea!
Your comment, along with Gretchen's post, was just a good reminder and encouragement to me that I need to enjoy life NOW, and not get all wrapped up in daydreaming of my future! One day I will have a story to tell, but for now, I'll try to enjoy my single years as much as possible!:)
~Allison
Awww :). What a sweet story. Thanks for sharing! I am looking forward to completion of your story on the courtship index. Until then, I'll live on snippets :).
I think the waiting is in many ways only harder when you have someone.
I think actually while it's hard to be patient and wait for God's timing, at least when you are "engaged to be engaged" you do have something to look forward to, while many single women despair of ever finding anyone compatible. It can be very discouraging to be an older single woman not in an exclusive relationship. Just a thought!
It's a good thought, anonymous! :-) It is hard to have faith in that which is unseen-- we know our God is good and faithful, but there are certainly times when it is hard to believe there is a godly man who is perfect for us out there when we haven't seen him! ;-)
You know, it seems to me that both are difficult in their own way. :) A girl who fell in love with her man at a young age or married at 18 cannot fully understand the difficulties of waiting for that man to even appear, just as a girl who is free to simply love and serve the Lord without these distractions cannot understand the pain of knowing who that man is but not being able to be his. This is why the Lord places all of us in each others' life to balance each other out and provide insight and encouragment to those in different life seasons. :) God provides grace and strength no matter which situation we're in and can be trusted for His perfect will in all things! :)
Amen Ashleigh! Well said!
Being in the position of knowing who I will marry, but not being fully his yet, is extremely hard to wait in. Yet also having a twin sister who has been waiting for what seems a lifetime for man of her dreams, I understand the other perspective as well.
I think that both Natalie and Gretchen summed everything up, and it applies to both single and engaged to be engaged girls; savor each moment!
Live for Christ with everything in you, and praise Him for the time you have to simply be with Him and Him alone. A dear friend of mine once told me this; God places the single years in our lives (whether we know who we'll marry in the future during those years or not) because He knows that there will never be another time we can purely devote to Him. He's a jealous God, and a Father at that. He wants time to spend with His baby girl, with no other distractions.
Look into His eyes and focus on Him. Then and only then will you see your future clearly.
~Katie
That was a beatiful story Gretchen and I was eagerly waiting as I read through to see how God was gong to work it all out. And He does in the perfect time! I guess we should always trust our sissy's intuition. ;o)
Natalie has great advice!
~Jac
What a sweet post!! That was great to read Natalie's thoughts at the end. I have been wondering what her perspective/thoughts are through all of this.
Both of my closest friends have just begun a courtship relationship... so I have been curious to hear others thoughts on what it has been like for them to watch their friends go through courtship.
Blessings, Gretchen!
This is such a sweet post...I just don't understand all of the heartache that you two put yourselves through? Why wouldn't he ask you first, and then ask your dad? If my dad had his way, I'd STILL be 5! I guess ya'll just do things differently than we do here in Wisconsin... Good luck on your marriage, don't stop doing things YOU as Gretchen like to do. You don't want to lose the identity God gave you. 22 days until your wedding, 29 until mine!
Gretchen, that's what I'm going through right now... that waiting season. Thanks for sharing your advice and encouraging testimony of your waiting time! 'Twas a breath of fresh air.
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