Lately I have found myself writing quite a few letters to younger sisters (early to mid-teens). Most of them concern the pain of waiting on romance and dealing with the emotions that strike us in full-force during these years. For what it's worth, I wanted to share a few excerpts with you all.These issues touch the deepest regions of a young woman's heart; they also have few concrete answers. In this area where the application of wisdom means more than following a rulebook, it is all too easy for fear and doubt to choke us. Below is just a few thoughts--by no means exhaustive--from one who is now on a different part of life's journey.
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I am praying for you, also, that you will seek to honor the Lord in your thoughts as well as actions--but also that He will guide you in knowing what pleases Him. Sometimes it is so so hard to deal with our emotions. I am sorry you are hurting.
Yes, there is so much talk about protecting your heart, but you know what? I'm not sure that they are applying Scripture quite right. We cannot always control our emotions--we feel what we feel--and that is okay! It is okay to admire and respect someone, and even to think he would be a good husband. It is what we do, what actions we take that is important. Do not be hard on yourself for having feelings. God gave us those feelings for a purpose. Even if we can't act on them right now, we also don't want to see them as a bad thing. They're not.
Speaking as one who has made the mistake of talking about it to my friends, be very careful who you talk to about it. I know it is so hard! But this, at least for me, ended up causing more emotional pain than the fact I had those feelings. Waiting is very very painful. I am amazed at how much different things look now that I am in a relationship. My friends told me that all the years of pain would fade away....and you know what? It is not entirely gone, but the joy of being in God's will now definitely covers over much of the pain of the waiting. Take heart.
There are no easy answers....I wish there were. I'm hurting with you, sister. All I can do is pass on the advice that my mentors gave me, and share what helped when I was hurting most. Take heart. Live with an eternal perspective. And give yourself freedom to identify your feelings so that you can best process and handle them.
Standing with you,
Natalie
Yes, there is so much talk about protecting your heart, but you know what? I'm not sure that they are applying Scripture quite right. We cannot always control our emotions--we feel what we feel--and that is okay! It is okay to admire and respect someone, and even to think he would be a good husband. It is what we do, what actions we take that is important. Do not be hard on yourself for having feelings. God gave us those feelings for a purpose. Even if we can't act on them right now, we also don't want to see them as a bad thing. They're not.
Speaking as one who has made the mistake of talking about it to my friends, be very careful who you talk to about it. I know it is so hard! But this, at least for me, ended up causing more emotional pain than the fact I had those feelings. Waiting is very very painful. I am amazed at how much different things look now that I am in a relationship. My friends told me that all the years of pain would fade away....and you know what? It is not entirely gone, but the joy of being in God's will now definitely covers over much of the pain of the waiting. Take heart.
There are no easy answers....I wish there were. I'm hurting with you, sister. All I can do is pass on the advice that my mentors gave me, and share what helped when I was hurting most. Take heart. Live with an eternal perspective. And give yourself freedom to identify your feelings so that you can best process and handle them.
Standing with you,
Natalie
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10 comments:
Natalie,
Thank you for such timely advice. In my life right now, I need it. Thank the Lord for His perfect timing.
TJ
Oh Natalie- if only I had been able to read such a letter when I was a young girl.....
My experience is quite different from yours- I did not wait, and allowed my loneliness get the best of me. I dated around- lost much of my mental and physical innocence, and found absolutely no comfort in the scores of boyfriends I had.
Not waiting I can say was probably far far more painful with lasting emotional wounds, then if I had just waited.
Girls- Natalie is SO right. Waiting is so worth it, although its painful. Take it from someone who didnt wait- I can only wish that I had heeded the advise of my parents and mentors when I was young. Now- although my whole self belongs to my future husband, there are parts of my heart and my body I will never be able to give him.
Natalie, this is really good advice to remember. I am only seventeen (almost) but I can suffer from the emotions of seeing guy's qualities and then thoughts begin to infiltrate my mind. I want to remain emoionally pure to my future spouse as well as physically, but it is so hard! God does give us the strength, though, for which I am so thankful! Again, thank you for the reminder!
Thanks Natalie, for reminding me that it's ok to feel, but to keep those feelings in check. It's hard to wait when my friends are getting married or courting, but the longer I wait the better I get to know my Savior.
Thank you, Natalie. These recent posts have really been a huge blessing and encouragement to me.
-Sarah
Thanks for the encouragement Natalie. I sometimes get so discouraged in the time of waiting that I am in but am so encouraged through the thought that God is using every second of this preparation time in me.
Jessica
Yes, there is so much talk about protecting your heart, but you know what? I'm not sure that they are applying Scripture quite right. We cannot always control our emotions--we feel what we feel--and that is okay! It is okay to admire and respect someone, and even to think he would be a good husband. It is what we do, what actions we take that is important. Do not be hard on yourself for having feelings. God gave us those feelings for a purpose. Even if we can't act on them right now, we also don't want to see them as a bad thing. They're not.
Thank you for that, Natalie. This is something I have been struggling with recently and this was so encouraging.
~Laura
I am enjoying the posts you have been writing lately and finding them timely.
You write from the heart and I really appreciate that. I know you are an encouragement to many.
Blessings,
Jaclynn
Very good advice! Thanks.
ditto on what Laura wrote...you also mentione "be careful who you tell" (your heart struggles to)...does this person have to be an older person or can they be a kindred spirit friend my own age who seems very trustworthy? Do you have any advice about mentors/how to find one?
-a sister in Christ
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