Living a Life of Desperation - Part One: Yearning for God

I have been pulling, pushing, running away from, going around, skipping through, standing still, and racing with God my whole life. It wasn’t until a few short years ago I started walking with God. Yet even after giving my life to Christ, the concept of an ongoing journey with God was a challenge. I had spent so many years running away from God; running towards God is like retraining lazy muscles for an extreme weight lifting competition.

My relationship with Christ started out with fervor and excitement, yet it quickly became another facet in my busy life. The most challenging part of my walk was quiet time with the Lord. I met with God every Sunday and Wednesday at church and I attended all the youth conferences and seminars but that daily connection with God was almost non-existent. One week my Bible reading was exciting and fresh and the next it is lackluster and boring.

Praying was even worse. I loved talking with God when I needed something from Him, but it was in those humdrum times I found it hard to find any words. It was sorta like an awkward conversation with a friend you haven’t seen in many years. You sit there thinking of things to say, but nothing sounds good in your head so you make small talk that means nothing relevant. Or even worse you simply say nothing at all.

I was the one to say nothing at all. It was easier to remain silent then actually open my lazy tongue and talk with God. I didn’t know how to pray, in fact, I didn’t know how to truly read God’s word either. I skimmed through the chapters, caught a appealing verse here or there, but the only thing I gained was sore eyes. There is a difference between reading the Bible like a text book and truly consuming the Word of God just as there is a difference from small talk and a truly intimate conversation. I read the Word like a boring school book and talked with God like an awkward acquaintance.

Bottom line: I didn’t know how to pursue God. After three years of “walking” with God, I realized that I never had left the starting line. My heart slowly got adjusted to the "ho hum" mentality, and I my desire to seek after God’s heart settled into a even so faint whisper. I read Gods word, but didn’t understand it. I talked at God, but never talked with God.

In walks desperation.

When our bodies need food, they have ways of telling us (i.e. a grumbling tummy, knots in our stomachs, weakness in our muscles, etc.). It is the same when our spirits are hungry. We feel the warnings. Its different for everyone, but my warning signs were that I became extremely irritable and emotional. Everything, whether important, unimportant or down right silly caused my emotions to flip upside down. I was crying almost everyday, I was lashing out against my loved ones, and I realized that I hadn’t truly felt God’s presence in longer then I could remember. After 3 years of ignoring my spirit's cry for God, you can imagine the intense ‘soul grumbles’ I felt. My soul was desperate. It was desperate for my God's touch. It was desperate for His Word. It was desperate for communion with Him.

Instead of ignoring my heart like all the other times, I decided to crack down and feed my thirsty soul. I pulled out my Bible, grabbed a prayer journal, and you know what happened? I met with God, and I felt His presence like I never had in any church service or youth conference. It was only 30 minutes of alone time with Christ, but that 30 minutes gave my soul such a sweet taste of God's Spirit, that I had to have more. The next day, it was 30 minutes of quiet time plus I began talking with God throughout the day instead of just at my allotted ‘prayer time’. Next week I found myself wanting to pick up my Bible out of pure interest in what it had to say, not just out of duty...and on and on it went.

I immediately saw a difference with my attitudes towards life’s circumstances. I didn’t lash out as often. I even began to see opportunities at my work where I was able to share my faith and reach out to unsaved co-workers. My prayer times become more fluent and comfortable. My praise was real and sincere. Reading the Bible was a joy every morning, not a burden I stumbled through whenever I got the chance.

The biggest difference though? I actually desired God. I felt a yearning for His presence. I began to see my frailty as a human, and my ever present need of a Savior. I realized that without His Spirit daily in my life no matter how I hard I claimed to be a Christian I had nothing to stand on. I saw that the world I live in is in dire need of Jesus. I was a vessel God chose to reveal Himself through.

Just those revelations have revolutionized my heart, mind, and spirit.

It’s been almost a month since I started meeting daily with God. I can say I’ve never felt freer. No matter where you are in your walk with God--whether you’ve walked with Him for years, have only just begun, or maybe haven’t even started yet--hear me: Your soul is desperate. Your ‘soul grumbles’ might not be like mine but every heart is calling out for God in one way or another. Don’t ignore it.

Take a deep breath, ask God for a fresh out pouring of His Spirit; dive into His Word. It is the Well of Living Water. Take the time to study it, not just read it. Open your mouth and speak to God like you would your best friend. Tell Him that you adore Him, confess your sins to Him, thank him, and submit your requests to Him. It’s not about flowery words or saying the right thing. It’s about developing a relationship with Him.

I promise, in His presence your soul will find rest from this chaotic world, and your heart will find what it’s been longing for. It’s well worth the time and effort.

Are you ready to take the challenge? Are you ready to live a life that is desperate for God?

To be continued…

Need an excellent resource to get you started on your daily quiet time? Check out Nancy Leigh Demoss's book "A Place of Quiet Rest" and the accompanying Prayer Journal.

- by Katie Barron