Love Down Under

written by Mrs. Jonno Ament

How do you write a love story? I think they’re supposed to start with a line that holds certain storybook qualities. Something like…

Once upon a time…

In a land far, far away (Australia)…there lived a young man by the name of Jonno. Though young he had vision and passion beyond that of most men his age. Above all his passion was for the Lord and his vision was to serve Him and to tell others about Him. This led him to explore the possibility of doing a mission trip to the Philippines. To try to find likeminded people who would also pray about and join in the possibility of such a trip he put together a website.

Now back in my corner of the globe…it was March of 1999.  I was a 14 year old who had an interest in Australia and was an avid “pen paller” at the time. One day while looking at pages of interest on the Internet with my cousin we discovered a Christian “pen pals” page…though specifically it seemed geared toward email. This seemed like a rather good idea to me—I had wanted to have a pen pal in Australia but international postage rates were beyond me. Email would eliminate that problem. I looked at the profiles of several people. I emailed several girls. I also saw Jonno’s profile and the link to his website. I thought, “Wow, he’s really ‘on fire’…” I was really impressed—and subsequently humbled—that a guy only 3 years older than myself would have that much drive and ambition to do the things of God. The possibility of a mission trip sounded fabulous…but impossible. So I simply emailed him and told him how much his page encouraged me and that I would be praying for his efforts. In summary: the mission trip didn’t really come together to happen, but Jonno got me instead. What a trade off, huh?

So yes, this is the part where we start emailing. My second impression of Jonno was that he was weird. He used the word “groovy” a lot and he spelled things in creative ways. Despite that initial hang up we “clicked” and became really good friends. God used Jonno in huge ways to “fan the fire of my faith”, so to speak. It was really encouraging and I came to view him as kind of a mentor.

Because of that I was really disappointed when probably about 9 months to a year later Jonno pretty much dropped out of the picture. (A lot of stuff went on in his life at that point—mainly the fact that he and his family moved.) I really thought about him a lot. Everyone who was anyone in my life knew about Jonno…I guess I kind of talked about him now and then. I think he briefly answered a couple emails during this time but other than that we were completely without contact. I believe one of the last emails I sent him was one just talking about something the Lord showed me in a really meaningful way in reference to being separate—in the world but not of. 

Fast forward to February of 2001. Life is going pretty good. I haven’t forgotten about Jonno. I know I haven’t because I’ve just been on a vacation to a resort with my friend’s family and my friend and I rather predictably talked about the kind of guy we’d like to marry. I concluded that someone like Jonno would be perfect for me. Not Jonno, of course, because marrying him was impossible. He was an Australian. And he didn’t email me anymore! But still, someone like him…

Oddly enough upon my return home among my mail there was a beautiful postcard of the Whitsunday Islands. The postcard was from Jonno who was writing me from a new location: Bible college in Brisbane. Obviously his life had been changing a lot! Anyway, he just wrote a note saying he got my last email just before he came to Bible college and just wanted to let me know he’d been thinking of me and really encouraged me to keep standing firm in the faith, etc. He also said I meant a lot to him. My tummy did flip-flops.

We didn’t immediately get back into the swing of communication. He was now studying and my life was pretty busy and happy as well. But I know I wrote him a letter while he was at college and we did start emailing again not long after that. Despite the stops, starts, and gaps in our friendship, it really did seem relatively easy just to pick up where we left off. All this time I can honestly say it was just a friendship. I didn’t think of him as “something more”, although sometimes I dared to dream. When I did I’d quickly try to get rid of the notion because it was so farfetched. I didn’t want to be some silly, swoony girl! I also didn’t want to do something so outlandish as to marry someone I met online. Oh the horror of that idea! People would, after all, think I was weird!

All the same, we did grow closer. There was no definite date where we suddenly, magically became a “couple”. I did begin to struggle more…wanting so badly to know what he really did think of me. Let me tell you, Jonno really had the “treat younger women as sisters with absolute purity” (1 Tim. 5:2) thing down. He really didn’t hint or flirt or anything. He wasn’t cold and stiff by any means…but I just knew I wasn’t getting any special treatment.;-) Of course Jonno says now that he thought it was obvious that he did indeed think I was something special. At any rate, it wasn’t obvious to me and I did struggle. “God,” I’d say, “Can you just give me a hint as to what he thinks about me? I’ll stop mulling it over and coming to a dozen different conclusions every day then. Really, I will.” As is generally the case God had a better idea than giving me a hint. Instead He impressed on me again and again that I needed to surrender. I needed to be content in HIM. True contentment is not based on any human or any situation—it is from God alone. It was a lesson I really needed to learn. The Lord gave me such peace about it. I was really just happy and excited about my future—whether or not my wildest dreams DID come true and Jonno was involved in my future.

Not long after this I was talking to Jonno and we were having some sort of silly conversation. I wish I could remember every word and exactly what we talked about, but I don’t. Somehow, though, the conversation turned serious. I don’t even remember exactly how he said it, but he said something to the effect of, “Ruth, you do know just how important you are to me, don’t you? You do know that I care about you a lot…” and I, in my brilliance, said, “uh…I think so.” Yes, quite romantic, isn’t it?? At that moment Jonno was called away and I think I did something even more brilliant like bounce up and down in my chair and squeal, “He likes me!” like I was in middle school.

In a sense that incident solidified a lot of things. In another sense, it didn’t. Our communication went on much as before. Neither of us had any idea when we’d meet, although both of us wanted to. Nothing was really “for sure” in any sense. So we continued to be friends. Good friends.  Oh yeah, remember how I wanted to email an Australian instead of write so I could save on postage? Falling in love long distance really defeated that purpose. Now I was not only spending money on postage, but on phone bills. For the record Jonno did call me much more than I called him—so I think I cost him more.;-)

I think the most positive thing about our relationship for me, could also be the most negative at times. That being the fact that it was such a natural, gradual relationship. I really can’t see doing it any other way—to go from being friends to being “special friends” in this manner is what really worked for us. Yet at the same time me and my analytical, questioning mind would sometimes be frustrated that I didn’t have that clear cut, laid out relationship plan that some people have. I wanted to know where we were now, where we were heading…and, please, when were we going to GET there? Need I say that God gave me another course in contentment and resting in Him? Ah, He is so good and patient!

Around Christmas of 2002 I remember talking with Jonno. We missed each other a lot. Whoever says that you can’t miss someone you’ve never met…well, they weren’t us.;-) I remember just a little snippet of the conversation was the “conclusion” that we’d spend next Christmas together.

Now, before I skip to next Christmas and end the mad suspense I’m sure you’re all in…some of you may wonder, “Well what exactly are they doing? Are they courting? Are they dating? Or are they just being creepy online people?” And those are all very good questions. You should know that I’m not ignorant about the practice of courtship a la Josh Harris or a variety of other courtship authors. I loved books like that at one point. I WANTED a courtship like in a book. You should also know that my parents were not, and are not, into the whole philosophy of parent driven, parent focused courtship. That frustrated me for a while. I’d think, “It’d be so much easier if my parents would just give me a blueprint for what they wanted me to do…” in essence I was saying, “it’d be so easy if I didn’t have to think for myself.” Yet that’s exactly what my parents had taught me to do. Not just think, but also to search the Scriptures, examine my heart, etc. Of course they weren’t aloof and uncaring—they greatly desired for their children to marry godly spouses and they set us a wonderful example of what a godly marriage looked like! They just weren’t convinced going by a certain method was the best way to go about it. Of course I do not think it’s wrong for people to have the sort of courtships you read about. I guess I just consider my own story proof that not everyone can or should try to go by the book. (Unless that “book” is the Bible, of course.)

Well, “next Christmas” was Christmas 2003. We weren’t together…but we were engaged.;-) Surprise! Earlier in December  Jonno came to visit—my family (especially my sneaky sister and friend, Hannah) and he did not tell me he was coming so it was a surprise. Sometimes I knew something was up…and I admit I even thought, “What if Jonno’s coming?” but figured there was no way everyone would be able to keep that a secret from me. Ha! I was wrong. My conniving sister, my older brother, Nathaniel, and I were off to the airport one evening after work. Presumably with the intention of picking up my oldest brother, Joshua, who was returning from Colorado. If I hadn’t been so tired from a long day at work I might have noticed some things that were really suspicious. Such as, “Why are we waiting by the gate for a flight from Texas??” But my brain was fried, what can I say? As I sat there being bored and falling asleep suddenly a voice said in my ear, “G’day Ruth…” I knew that voice! And nobody else says my name quite the way he does! It was Jonno! I whirled around and said (get ready for another brilliant speech), “Jonno! What are you doing here?” Poor guy. He’d assumed that I was told of his arrival on the way to the airport so he didn’t know it was a complete surprise for me. He also says that I looked right at him while he was walking towards me but that I looked away without recognizing him. So that’s when he snuck up behind me.

That drive home was an interesting one. I was in shock! Good thing my brother was driving because I wasn’t up for it! It was a little awkward at first. It took a while to connect that the person I was talking to face to face was really this person I’d emailed, chatted with, stayed on the phone 'til all hours with, cried to, laughed with…but never seen in person! But during his visit everything just fell into place.

Despite some concerns I had about my parents—especially my dad—being accepting, it went better than I could have imagined. Sometimes I wonder why I feel the need to invent the worse case scenarios in my head—God is so in control and His plans are marvellous! I loved seeing him with my family. The first full day he was with us he could strike up conversations with my dad, play with my siblings, help out my mom (she was this close to burning his plane ticket so he’d have to stay with us), etc. It was just neat to see how well he fit in. He’s so much better than I am at making conversation with people he barely knows!

Now, we had talked about marriage. He’d said on occasion that he wasn’t going to propose to me until he could do it in person. On December 12, 2003 he did just that—we went for a walk around a very frozen lake in the park. It was so cold! As we walked he told me to stop on the yellow line of the walking trail. (I still have no idea why he said that.) He knelt down and pulled off my mitten…and that’s when I got suspicious.  I may not say very brilliant things but I’m sharp enough to know when I’m being proposed to! He pulled out a ring and despite extreme cold and nerves he did NOT drop it as he feared but put it on my finger as he asked me to marry him. Time for another moment of brilliance: I said, “Oh Jonno!” and started crying. I said yes. He said, “I did ask your dad for permission, just so you know. He agreed.” And then I said, “I even get a ring?” He said of course I did. For some reason I really wasn’t expecting one. I guess in the back of my mind I thought we’d talk about marriage, make it official that we wanted to get married, but as so much of our relationship was so informal…I guess the formality was a little surprising! The ring was beautiful, by the way. He managed to buy it while he was visiting without me knowing. The whole experience of his visit and how good everyone was at surprising me seriously crushed my pride in the fact that I thought I was somehow “really observant”.:-P

We walked back, I said things like, “wow”, we smiled a lot, we kissed a little, and somehow it didn’t seem so unbearably cold anymore. Love bears all things, I guess. Even subzero temperatures!

In the warmth of the car we had communion together before driving back home. As soon as I walked in the door everyone knew something was up by the dippy grin on my face. I flashed the ring and my mom said, “I knew it!” Everyone was really excited for us. My dad wasn’t in the house at that time. My sister recounted how she had no idea Jonno was going to propose that day but that while Jonno and I were gone my dad had gone back into the room I shared with my three sisters and just sat there deep in thought for the longest time. Reminiscing. Thinking about where I’d come from and how very, very far away I was going, no doubt.

That was the thing that was hardest yet the most touching to see—how my parents loved me so much they didn’t want to think of me being so far away. Yet they loved me enough to not just let me go, but to give us their wholehearted blessing.

Jonno left only days after our engagement to fly back to Australia. That was a hard goodbye, but he reminded me that the next time we were in that airport together we wouldn’t be parting.

We got married on June 5, 2004 at my home in Minnesota. It was a very personable wedding—people who knew and cared about me, not professionals, did everything. I can’t tell you how meaningful that was for me! My wonderful mother made my dress; my sister built the arch we were married beneath. The mother of the children I’ve babysat for did the cake and flowers; my childhood pastor did the ceremony; my friends took care of music. It was wonderful.

The whole day I was so calm and at peace…it was like nothing could faze me. People were shaking their heads and laughing at the fact that I was mingling with my relatives and trying to learn how to eat Korean food with chopsticks a mere hour before the ceremony. I was maybe a little too relaxed because I forgot to do things like put my veil over my face and I also admit to putting the ring on Jonno’s wrong hand. But as I said, nothing could ruin it for me.

The hardest part was that evening when we left to go to our hotel. We would be leaving for Australia in 2 short days and leaving that night gave me a foretaste of what the goodbyes would be like on that day. I had to say final goodbyes to many relatives and dear friends who I wouldn’t see again before I left. It was so difficult! I’m thankful for a man who is very patient with me and doesn’t get uncomfortable when I cry…because oh! I’ve needed to cry!

The goodbyes to my family were the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. My parents and all my younger siblings came to the airport with us and none of us had dry eyes when it came time to say goodbye. The difficulty of that is still fresh enough to cause new tears when I write about this. I love my family terribly! I want to give glory to God in another area here—in the year or so before I got engaged God did wonders in healing relationships between certain family members and myself. I’m so thankful that we were able to love and appreciate each other so much better before we were parted. Because now I know that even when we’re apart we have a strong bond. I can’t imagine being this far away from all I know and not having a good relationship with my family.

And now here I am today—currently living on Hamilton Island where Jonno works. Something interesting is that Hamilton Island is part of the Whitsunday Islands: the scene depicted on the postcard Jonno sent me over 3 years prior! That’s pretty amazing to me. Our whole story amazes me when I think over it. The verse that seems to really describe God’s goodness revealed to us in our relationship is Ephesians 3:20-21, “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

He truly has done more than I asked for, more than I imagined.

That would be my encouragement to anyone reading this: rest in the Lord and the knowledge that even when every plan you’ve had seems to be failing, HIS plans do not fail and His plans are indeed immeasurably greater and better than ours.

I hope you’ve enjoyed my love story thus far—for it is still continuing...