A Love Story
the courtship of Jeremy Howard and Kristy Smith
written by Kristy Smith Howard
It's hard to know exactly when a love story begins. Some claim it was “love at first sight.” Others can't say exactly when they fell “in love” but just know they did. Is it the first glance, the first spoken word, the first letter, the first walk in the woods? What is it that ignites that mysterious spark within one's heart we call love ?
My love story doesn't begin the way a fairy tale might ... “Once upon a time there lived a princess...” I was a down-to-earth, teenage girl with braces on her teeth when the earliest shaping of my love story began. I wasn't looking for a “love story”, and it would be a long while before I would ever read the first chapter. But every good story has an introduction...
It was a humid, sticky summer evening in northeast Texas . The sprawling campground that had been crawling with young people during the afternoon was nearly deserted as the sun began its downward travel in the horizon. The dormitories, however, were teeming with activity. That evening was the Thursday night banquet, and the halls and bathrooms of the girls' dorm rang with excited chatter. A group of girls flitted about their room, digging through suit cases and dodging the dozen curling iron and hot roller cords that crisscrossed the room.
“I can't believe it's already Thursday night!” a brunette enthused as she twisted her long hair onto a roller. “My date to the banquet is soooo cute!”
“Who are you going with?” another girl asked, as she sprawled wide-eyed on her bunk, stuffing her feet into high-heeled shoes.
Her friend announced her young date's name, and several girls around her giggled with admiration.
“Do you have a date?”
I looked up from my bunk to see several pairs of expectant eyes turned my direction.
“Me? No, I'm not going with anyone.”
Eyes grew wider and eyebrows went up. “You're not? Why?”
I laughed and shrugged.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” the next question came.
Nope, I didn't.
Now the girls were really shocked. “How old are you?”
I was sixteen.
“Have you ever had a boyfriend?” the roller-garbed girl asked.
Same answer. Same surprise.
“Wow, how does it feel to have never had a boyfriend?”
Questions like these had bothered me at one time. In fact, I often felt like I had The Plague! But by now I'd grown used to the surprised responses from my peers—and even adults. Kristy Smith was still “single” at the ripe old age of sixteen years old! Sometimes it seemed useless to try and explain my beliefs of “courtship.” People usually got confused, or teased that I “didn't want to date, just get married.” I didn't persuade the masses, but I managed to stick to the convictions I felt God had given me when I was young.
I was probably thirteen or fourteen years old when I first heard the concept of “courtship.” I attended seminars by Bill Gothard , listened to and read Joshua Harris's ideas on the subject, and made up my mind that dating was not for me. I wasn't completely sure how courtship would work when the time came, but I believed in the principles and trusted God to bring the right one into my life at the right time.
I can't say that it was always easy to stick with the commitment I'd made. But with my parent's support and by the grace of God, I determined not to settle for anything less than God's very best .
It was during those years that the Lord gave me a promise. One afternoon while reading my Bible, two verses jumped out at me. I had read them numerous times, no doubt, but that day they seemed written just for me.
“Delight thyself also in the Lord, and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass” Psalm 37:4-5.
There it was, right in God's Word! God would bring to pass the desires of my heart if I trusted and delighted in Him. I memorized and meditated upon those verses until they became my very own. I had no idea how God would bring to pass the desires of my heart. I only knew that the future held many promises for me, if only I would stick to my end of the bargain. Through the next few years God would teach me many things about trust, contentment, and waiting; qualities that we Christians pray to achieve but struggle to learn. The Lord was trying to teach me to truly delight in Him, to put myself aside and be completely satisfied with His love and provision.
Jeremy Howard grew up near Dallas , Texas , and spent many of his summer weeks at the same camp I went to every year. I'm not sure exactly when our paths first crossed, but I remember seeing Jeremy one night after the camp church service at Weatherford , Texas . I can plainly recall looking across the gymnasium and seeing him sitting on a bench talking to someone. What impressed me about him was how distinguished he looked. He was obviously a clean-cut, suit-and-tie type of guy, and I remember the thought running through my head, “ A young man like that would never notice me . ” The ironic thing is that it was around this same time that I caught Jeremy's attention. What neither of us knew at the time was that God had begun working behind the scenes years before.
Jeremy came from a different background than me. His family was unsaved most of his growing up years, and his convictions and beliefs came from what he gleaned from God's Word and the instruction of his pastor. He had never heard of “courtship” as we know it but knew that the status quo of dating didn't offer what he wanted for himself or the woman he would someday marry. As a young man, Jeremy made up his mind to wait instead of date. He occupied his time with his horse Chance, and prepared himself to do what he felt God had called him to do: preach. After graduating from high school, Jeremy's pastor told him about a Bible college in Missouri . At twenty years of age, Jeremy packed up, left his Texas home, and headed for Ozark Bible Institute.
At college, Jeremy hit it off with one of his instructors, a man by the name of Jim Link. Since both of them loved farming and horses, Jeremy found himself at the Link farm on many occasions, helping plow the garden, chasing cows and sheep, and enjoying Grandma Link's homemade dinners. The Links were also friends of my family—my sister and I wrote their teenage daughter on a regular basis. During Jeremy's sophomore year at college, Brother Link mentioned a young lady who might be coming to Bible College in the next year.
“Her name's Kristy Smith. She and her family always go to camp in Weatherford. I'm sure you've seen her before.”
Jeremy remembered hearing the name but couldn't put a face with it. He thought maybe it was the same girl he'd seen a summer or two ago but wasn't sure. He put it on the back burner of his mind and let it simmer for awhile.
After my graduation from high school, I spent my first year at home. At first I feared I'd grow restless and wish I'd gone to Bible school instead. But I found that year to be very fulfilling, and one in which I drew closer to the Lord and to my family.
April 1999 rolled around. My family attended a Missions Convention in East Texas , where we met up with many of our ministerial friends, including Rev. and Mrs. Bill Vickery, pastors from Mesquite , Texas .
“We're heading out tomorrow for Missouri ,” Sister Vickery told us as we talked one afternoon before service. “One of our boys from church, Jeremy Howard, is graduating from his third year at Bible school. Do you know him?”
The name was familiar.
“Oh, he's a great guy!” they enthused. “We just love him! Are you going to Bible school this fall, Kristy?”
At graduation, the Vickerys told Jeremy about the “Smith girl” they'd seen at the convention. “She might be coming to Bible school this fall,” they told him.
Jeremy, along with his pastor, prayed that summer for God's will about initiating a relationship with me. Jeremy was serious about the ministry and about marrying a young woman who shared his calling. He'd held off seeking a wife the past several years, feeling God wanted him to mature in his faith rather than date girls. Was it possible that now God was giving him a green light to pursue a relationship?
My freshman year of college was Jeremy's fourth year. It was August, 2000. I had already made up my mind that if God had the right one for me at Bible College (or anywhere else) He was going to have to drop him out of the sky. Before I left home, I made a promise to God that I wasn't going to date around, not even with “nice Christian” young men. The one God had for me would be worth the wait, and I was willing to wait. I expected to spend my year at college void of any social time, dates to the banquets, or romantic red roses. But it turned out that God had other plans for me.
I noticed Jeremy right off once I arrived at school. He was obviously a very dedicated young man, and I admired that about him. He was a senior, and was one of the few guys in that category who hadn't dated every girl in the school over the past three years. That had been one of the many requirements on my list...in fact, the more I watched him the more his credentials tallied up with my prerequisites! I did my best to keep my mind on my studies and the Lord, and made it a matter of prayer.
While I was wondering, watching and worrying, God was busy once again behind the scenes bringing our lives together. I didn't know at the time that many of our authorities, including several of our instructors, the college president, and of course Jeremy's pastor, had been telling him about me for over a year. Jeremy was only waiting for the right time to speak up about his intentions.
The right time came on October the 13 th (which, ironically, is the same day my parents met!). It was a Friday, classes had just let out, and I was standing in the lunch line of the cafeteria. Jeremy found me and asked if he could talk to me at supper. Of course I said yes, but got so nervous that I couldn't eat a bite! I definitely wasn't the only one suffering from a bout of nerves... Jeremy got so anxious that afternoon that he totally forgot about his one o'clock class and skipped it!! Finally, supper time rolled around. Jeremy met me as I was on my way across the campus lawn. I don't remember every detail of our conversation there, but Jeremy told me he had been watching me for some time, was interested in me, and wanted to know “how a guy could get to know me better.” I'd been saving up a particular line nearly all my life (or so it seemed) and finally I got to say it: “You'll have to talk to my dad.”
It worked out that my parents were coming up to the college for an annual convocation the next week, so Jeremy agreed to meet and talk to my parents then.
Monday night Jeremy introduced himself to my family, and over the next few days he spent a lot of time with us (my brother even stayed in the dorm with him to “check him out”!). My parents and siblings all approved of him, and after getting some “character references” from some of the college staff, Dad gave him permission to court me.
Even with all the “wisdom” we had acquired through reading and learning about courtship, Jeremy and I had a lot to learn about relationships and how they work! At college, we only had a few hours a week we could spend together, but we spent as much of it as we could at my uncle or grandparents' homes nearby. It didn't take long for Jeremy to win the approval of my family members. Jeremy spent some time in my home during Christmas break, I met his parents and siblings, and we both got to know each others' families over the next few months. School let out in April and Jeremy graduated as the class speaker. Since neither he nor my dad thought a long-distance courtship would be ideal, in May Jeremy moved down to Three Rivers to take the position of associate pastor of our church. Over the summer we had more time to get to know each other; he was close by and spent a lot of time with my family. He and I were involved in a lot of church activities together, as well, which let us both have a glimpse into the other's heart for the ministry.
As the weeks turned to months, we both felt that God had brought us together for a special reason. I couldn't imagine my life without Jeremy, and he couldn't bear to be away from me!
On September 10 th , Jeremy came home from work one evening and suggested that we all go on a picnic in the park. My parents were gone for the evening, so my sister, brother, Jeremy and I hastily threw together a picnic meal and drove to a wildlife park in our town. It was a beautiful late summer day, and the sun was slowly sinking into a brilliant sky. The four of us were walking along the rocks of Choke Canyon Lake when my brother Darren suddenly suggested to my sister, “Why don't we go swing, Julie?” My brother was fifteen years old at the time, and Julie is a year older; I knew they didn't normally find the park swings a source of entertainment! I looked at them kind of funny, but before I could say anything, Jeremy hastily suggested that he and I walk down by the lake. As Julie and Darren ran for the swings, my brother and Jeremy exchanged a playful grin. I knew immediately what was up! And I was right. That night I went to sleep with a diamond ring on my finger!
Our engagement lasted six months. Our plans were to marry and live in Three Rivers the first few years and help my parents in their church. Once again, the Lord had other plans for our lives. In December, my dad accepted the pastorate of a church in East Texas . It was not an easy move for many reasons! All our carefully thought-out plans evaporated since we wouldn't be marrying in my home church. We didn't know where we'd live... where Jeremy would work... there were a lot of “ if's .” Jeremy and my family made the 400-plus mile move the week before Christmas. The weeks and months following the move were stressful as my family tried to set up housekeeping in our new home and plan a wedding at the same time! Always faithful, the Lord answered prayers for us, one by one, in such amazing ways that we could only stand back in awe at His goodness. Every last detail—from Jeremy's job to the wedding cake a friend brought all the way from Three Rivers—was worked out right on time. God also saw fit to answer Jeremy's years of prayers for his family, and during our courtship his parents dedicated their lives to the Lord. What a joy to see God's faithfulness unfolding in our lives as we trusted Him! All along the way the verse I had clung to as a teenager resounded in my heart: “ Delight thyself also in the Lord, and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart... trust also in him, and he shall bring it to pass.”
Jeremy Howard and I were married in his home church in Mesquite , Texas , on Saturday, the second day of March. A late-winter storm blew in the day before the wedding and turned the bright sunny weather into ice and wind. But the love in our hearts could not have burned brighter as we promised our lives to each other...forever. We stood before the altar and repeated the vows as my father, one of the officiating ministers, read them to us; and the love and goodness of God filled our hearts to overflowing. God had prepared and kept us for each other. In His time, He had lead our lives to this moment—our wedding day. As the minister pronounced us “man and wife,” the twinkling lights of the softly burning candles mirrored the love shining in our hearts... God keeps His promises!
So where does a love story end? It's been said, a love story always ends in a happy ever after. I'd like to think that from now until the end of our lives Jeremy and I will sail into purple sunsets in a blaze of romantic bliss. But we both know there will be ups and downs on this road called life. Through it all we have the assurance of knowing that God has ordered the paths of our lives to merge into one. I'm not sure where our love story will end. But I know it must have had its beginnings in Heaven, in the heart of God's perfect will. Wherever our love story takes us, God will be in our midst. And, isn't that what a true love story is all about?
When I Say “I Do”
There's a day I've been dreaming of
And looking forward to,
The day our lives are united,
The day I say, “I do.”
There have been eloquent speeches,
Fancier words have made debut;
But none could ever be so cherished
As those little words, “I do.”
If I could wrap up all my love
Into syllables dear but few;
I'd find myself before an altar
Whispering in your ear, “I do.”
The commitment of a lifetime,
That's the promise I make to you;
My heart, my love will be yours forever
The day I say, “I do.”
by Kristy Smith Howard
Originally published in the YLCF Journal #32.
