TRANSITIONS

a conversation

Getting from here to there---transitions. They wouldn't be so hard if you always knew where "there" was. But changing relationships and new responsibilities can make for a hazy vision of the future.

New Attitude sat down with four home-school grads to talk about life after high school. We weren't looking for the "right" answers. This is a conversation among four very different people talking honestly about the changes in school, work, and home that accompany growing up. So pull up a chair and get to know some new friends. Listen to what they've learned along the way...

(Photos by Nate Hilman)

Age 22
Family Oldest of 3 siblings
Years Home Schooled 12 From 1st to 12th grade
Curriculum Used A Beka, some Saxon Math
How I Graduated Turned 18, took a couple tests and decided to start college
Currently Engineering Student
Bio Friendly and outgoing, Ben Trolese has had more to deal with than just the transition from high school to college. This missionary kid from Nicaragua went through major culture shock when he moved to the states three years ago. Though he's comfortable in his new setting, his goal is to return to his home in Central America after college. Using his training in engineering, he wants to work in relief and economic development, as well as in the church.

Age 21
Family Oldest of 3 siblings
Years Home Schooled 7 From 4th to 10th grade (when she entered college)
Curriculum Used A bunch of different stuff. A Beka, Saxon, and a little Bob Jones
How I Graduated My mom handed me a piece of paper that said I had graduated after 10th grade. Then I started at the Community College.
Currently A student at Walla Walla College School of Nursing
Nickname "Toad”
Bio Keep the caffeine away from Jodi—she’s already wired. Spunky and armed with a wacky sense or humor, she’s opinionated and always willing to challenge the status quo. Focused and hard working, Jodi hopes to use her training in nursing on the mission field.
 

Age 20
Family 3rd of 4 siblings
Years Home Schooled 4 From 9th to 12th grade
Curriculum Used A Beka
How I Graduated Went through the graduation with a local homeschool group
Currently Working full time at Nike's world headquarters
Bio Stephen's home-school experience is the exact opposite of many students. He went to public school when his parents decided to home school him. Although he wasn’t happy about the switch at the time, he now values the head start on life that it gave him.
A talented artist, Stephen is also determined. In high school he had his sights set on working at Nike in Beaverton, OR, and wouldn't let go of the dream till he landed the job. Now he works with athletes helping to design shoes.

Age 19
Family Youngest of 3 siblings
Years Home Schooled 11 From 2nd grade to 12th grade
Curriculum Used A wide variety. A correspondence course for high school.
How I Graduated Got a diploma from correspondence course. Graduated with local home school group.
Currently A piano teacher.
Bio Even though she's prone to be quiet, Jeannie has a warm personality and a smile that can brighten a room. Her goals? She wants to build her piano studio and hopes to one day be a home-school mom. Since she's the youngest in her family, she missed out on taking care of younger brothers and sisters. She's making up for lost time by spending one day a week volunteering as a mother's helper for a local homeschool mother.

New Attitude: If you could give one word that would describe your life right now, what would it be?

Jeannie: Confusing. I'm waiting for more piano students and asking, "Why aren't they coming?" That's what I want to do before I get married and after, so I'm just kind of waiting to see what's going to happen.

Ben: Exciting. But a year ago, confusing and dark.

Jodi: Searching. Because I'm graduating at the end of this year, it's tense. Like, oh, great! What am I going to do now?

Stephen: Scary, exciting, confusing...all at the same time.

New Attitude: Some people describe the transition from high school to college or career as a limbo.
How has home school played into that? Is your transition different than what friends in public or private school experience?

Jodi: Home schooling allowed me to start earlier. So sometimes I feel like I should be in college for a couple more years even though I really don't want to be.

Stephen: At school I was just another face in the crowd. I probably wouldn't have gotten the "hands-on," person-to-person training that allowed me to jump into the workforce.

Ben: The transition is definitely different as a home schooler. When I started college, I was scared. I had a lot of questions: Did I really graduate? Did I even make it? But then college seemed so easy. Mr. Professor tells you everything you have to do? Tells you when it's due? He actually checks it! I don't check it myself? No problem.

New Attitude: Do you guys think of your-selves as a "home schoolers?" Does that play into your identity?

Jodi: Yes, because it was when I was home schooled that I learned my studying techniques. It provided me with a greater excite-ment for learning as opposed to being told, "Okay, you do this and this and this." My mom made it very clear that I had this amount of stuff to do, and when that was done, I could do whatever. It brought an enjoyment about things, a confidence because I'd done everything by myself. Sometimes I gave myself lower grades than my mom did.

(Everyone laughs)

Jodi: I did! I flunked myself once. But my mom said, "No, you can pass."
But, seriously, home schooling shaped my approach towards learning. A lot of people in college somehow feel that their learning is dependent on another person. It's like "I can't learn; the teacher's bad." That doesn't make sense to me because I'm so used to learning by myself.

New Attitude: What about you, Jeannie? You've got a different perspective than Ben and Jodi because you've chosen to skip the college route. Do you feel that you'd be in a completely different place right now, maybe in college, if you'd gone to regular school?

Jeannie: It's possible. College would be more expected, and there would probably be more pressure to go. Even as it is I get funny looks when I tell people I'm not going.

Ben: I wasn't planning on going to college. Twelve years was enough. But my parents encouraged me to go. I ended up enjoying it, but it wasn't my original plan.

New Attitude: There's a lot of interest in your generation of home schoolers because you're the first "finished product." Though our goals and techniques are diverse, the common theme seems to be a willingness to do things differently. Stephen, tell us about your experience. You had a desire to work at Nike. How did you execute that?

Stephen: Well, I just kept it in my mind. I wasn't going to give up.

New Attitude: So did you just go and apply?

Stephen: My resume was faxed. It seemed like it was over a long period of time. Man, are they going to call back? I got called to quite a few interviews. The first one was nice and calm. They said, "We'll give you a call back either way." I kept calling them and checking up on the job. I ended up getting another interview, so I went back. I did that interview; it went well. When I left the interview, I felt that I had the job. But it was still time after that...another period of waiting.

New Attitude: So you were persistent. Many people wouldn't keep trying.

Stephen: It worked for me.

New Attitude: Let's talk about home and your relationship with your parents. What are some transitions that are made?

Jeannie: It didn't really change much for me because I still live at home.

Ben: Does everyone here still live with them?

Stephen: I do.

Jodi: I live in the dorm. It's just a lot quicker to get to the hospital at 5:00 in the morning. But I go home every weekend.

New Attitude: Has that changed your relationship with your parents?

Jodi: It really didn't a whole lot. The hardest time between my parents and me came when I first started junior college in the 11th grade. That year was probably the most stressful year of my life just because I had stuff due all the time.

New Attitude: Okay, here's a big question: Do you guys plan to home school your own kids someday?

Ben: Yeah.

Jeannie: Definitely.

Stephen: Will I have to do all the teaching?

(Everyone laughs)

Jodi: Yeah, I will at least through junior high. I think home schooling through junior high is important because junior high is just a terrible time in your life.

Ben: What would you do afterwards?

Jodi: I would give them the choice at a certain point. I have friends who were home schooled that are bitter because their parents made them home school. But my view might change once I have kids.

New Attitude: What do you know now that you didn't know back in high school? What would you have given more attention to if you could go back and do it again?

(Long silence)

Ben: I wish that I had been motivated to finish more projects. The more you apply your-self to study, the more options you have in life.

Stephen: At the beginning of home school, I was rebelling and going against it. If I could go back, I would have gotten into it from the beginning.

Jodi: One of the important things I did that I'm really glad I did was volunteer work. I volunteered in our library during the day once a week. I also volunteered at the hospital. And reading was very important. I actually wish that I'd done more.

New Attitude: What kind of reading?

Jodi: Well, I wasted time reading a lot of fun books. I tell my sister, who reads more fun books than I do, "Why don't you just read a good book, something that's more informative?" That's what I wish I had done. I still haven't read all of C. S. Lewis's books. There are just some books that I could have read. I could have studied a map more.

Ben: That's one thing I did. I love maps. I can't find anybody that can beat me or my little brothers at geography.

Jodi: I'm bad at it.

Jeannie: I wish I would have read more, so now I do...watch less TV and read more.
New Attitude: How did home schooling pre-pare you spiritually for the changes you've gone through?

Jodi: My relationship with God grew even more because in home school there weren't a whole lot of kids my age to depend on or be distracted by. God became a lot more of a personal friend because of that.
It's changed. When I was home schooled, I was more isolated. I didn't worry about how other people would respond. But now I look at something and I say, "Now let's see how all these people look at it. I run it by about 300 different people. When I was in home school, I didn't have so many people to run it by. Things were more focused on "This is what God says. Why should I think of anything else?"

New Attitude: Do you see that as a change for the worse?

Jodi: No, I've become a lot more flexible. I was very strict with myself, and it wasn't always good. Things were very, very black and white for me. Back then, I used to think if you wore a certain type of clothing, you were just ungodly. Now I'm not so judgmental, I've loosened up, but I still have that constant, solid rooting in God.

Stephen: I guess it brought me closer because my mom taught me Bible classes. When I was going to public school they didn't teach any of that. I didn't expect to learn anything about God in public school, but when I started home schooling, she taught me about Him. My level of understanding went up.

Ben: In home school, especially the latter years, 15, 16, I developed a really close relationship with God. TV was not a problem for me. First off, because we didn't have a TV when I was growing up. Later we had a TV, but it was kept in the closet. It came out for special occasions. When it came out, like when we had guests, and they'd watch a movie or something, I'd get my guitar, and go out into the yard. It was a time for me to just pray, read, and sing.
Back then I had more time than when I got out of home school. It was a very good thing; I was able to get a very good, solid base.

New Attitude: So that time prepared you for what is now a busier lifestyle?

Ben: Yeah, it definitely did. It has been harder. The time for maintaining the relationship has definitely become more difficult for me. Now I get home, and I study till 2:00 in the morning and I'm thinking I'd really like to spend a little time in prayer or read or some-thing. I don't do it as often.
That's why I'm so glad I got the foundation. I grew up in a Christian home my whole life. I believed in God, and I could defend Him against anyone. I realize I didn't have the greatest arguments, but I could talk with anyone about Him, and I would. But I went through a time of questioning. The school I'm attending is Catholic, so we are required to take a couple of theology classes. They're world religion-type classes. They tell you that "you have to be understanding and realize that there are different beliefs, but they all must be related somehow..." even though they contradict each other. You study Buddhism, Shintoism, Islam...it was confusing. It made me start wondering, "What happened? Was I born in the right place at the right time, and that's why I believe what I believe?" It’s made me analyze my faith cold and hard. For awhile it was difficult. I wished I wasn't even thinking those things; but I knew that if I would think them through and resolve them, I would be stronger in the end.

New Attitude: What would be your advice to someone who might be going through a "questioning time" in their faith?

Ben: First, realize that it is a possibility, and there are a lot of other people who go through it. Some people don't get into an environment that creates it as much as others. But if that time comes, realize you might not have all the answers. You can only ask questions to a certain extent. Then you have to realize it's faith. It's you and God, and it's your relationship. That's what it boils down to. You're going to have questions that will never be answered.
One thing I realized was that the important part was coming to a decision, not just leaving that in the back of my mind. I have to decide where I'm going to stand on this. If I believe that God is out there and He wants to have a relationship with me, I want to do it all the way. Make it a personal relationship; don't just play with it.

New Attitude: What about you, Jeannie? How has your walk with the Lord changed?

Jeannie: My life hasn't changed enough to really affect it that much. As far as being home schooled, I think I had more time to be in the Word than other people who went to school.
Another key for me was that the Lord brought people into my life who discipled me. That's been a real blessing, to have those older people.

New Attitude: How do you pursue something like that? Did that just fall into your lap, or did you go looking for it?

Jeannie: It just pretty much fell in my lap.

Jodi: That's great. I remember wishing I had that when I was in junior high—somebody in my church besides my parents. I really respect my parents, and I love them. I just wished there was somebody else. When you're home schooled, everything comes from them. I just wish there was some older person in the church who would have befriended me and would have discipled me.

New Attitude: If you could give one piece of advice to a teenager, what would it be? You guys have gone ahead, and you're looking back at someone younger. What would you say?

Jeannie: Don't waste the time that you have. Use it.

Jodi: Search God's Word and study it for yourself. Because even when you're young, you're independently responsible for your relationship with God. It's the most important thing. You can take that with you wherever you go.

Stephen: I'd tell them to hang in there. It can be rough at times, but in the end it will all work out.

Ben: Number one, pursue God. Take advantage of every minute. And study hard. Study hard. In every aspect it will pay off.