by Lori Hainline and Rebecca Chandler

I've known Lori Hainline since I was 8 years old. She's an old friend and someone whose example of godliness always challenges and inspires me. But when she first mailed me a copy of her "Real Man" list that she and Rebecca Chandler had written, I wasn't very impressed. I think an "Oh, brother, Lori." escaped my lips when I read it. The list seemed so...idealistic—so up in the clouds, picture perfect. "Besides, I thought to myself,

what’s so

bad about

burping?”

Later when I talked with Lori I found out I wasn't the only one who had responded in semi-disdain to her list. Other guys she had shared it with had brushed it off or criticized it. This started me thinking, "What is it about this list that we don't like?" When Lori asked me rather pointedly why I didn't want to print it, I couldn't think of any good reason. It was all biblical. That's when I realized why I didn't like it. The "Real Man" list is specific. It confronts me and forces me to evaluate myself. I didn't like the list because I didn't want to admit that there were still some areas that I needed to work on.

All that being said, I finally conceded, and we're printing Lori and Rebecca's list. My hope is that other guys will be challenged like I was to evaluate your conduct and behavior. And for the girls who are reading, I hope this list gives you a clearer picture of what to be looking for. You keep your standards high, too. Maybe a few of us guys will get our acts together in time.—Joshua Harris

…understands and lives according to the basic purposes for which he was created: to worship, honor, and serve God. (Rom. 12:1-2)

…values and carefully handles the Scripture. (2 Tim. 2:15)

…isn’t embarrassed to worship God and pray in a group setting. (Mark 8:38)

…is wise, yet humble. (Prov. 2:1-10, 1 Pet. 5:5 & Rom. 12:16)

…takes leadership in a self-sacrificing way. (Eph. 5:25-28)

…is kind because, “What is desirable in a man is his kindness.” (Prov. 19:22)

…doesn’t try to prove himself but is simply confident as he walks in the fear of the Lord. (Prov. 14:26-27)

…doesn’t put others down with his actions, attitude, words, or his strength.  But, on the contrary, he affirms and builds others up. (Prov. 15:4 & Eph. 4:29)

…not only respects but appreciates a young lady’s purity and innocence.  In our culture, innocence isn’t retained by accident. (2 Cor. 11:2-3)

…values his purity as much as he values a young lady’s purity.  He is not ashamed to live and act differently from the world in order to guard himself. (I Thess. 4:1-8 & Ecc. 7:26)

…can look a girl straight in the eye without communicating any impurity. (Prov. 20:11)

…treats his sisters and mother with as much respect as he would treat a prospective wife. (Matt. 25:21)

…isn’t ashamed to identify himself with his family. (Eph. 6:2-3)

…shows by his actions that he loves children. (Matt. 19:13-14)

…is a gentleman.  He is polite and shows women honor in everyday things such as opening doors, etc. (1 Pet. 3:7)

…is pleasant and expresses joy rather than feeling it’s masculine to be sullen. (Prov. 21:29 & I Thess. 5:16)

…is mature in his emotions and his expressions of them.  He can deal with the trials of life logically, with wisdom, not on a basis of emotional instability. (Prov. 14:29, Prov. 17:27-28 & Prov. 12:18)

…doesn’t blame others for his own problems but embraces responsibility. (Prov. 12:27)

…can accept correction. (Prov. 12:1 & Prov. 29:1)

…understands the value of work and is financially responsible. (Col. 3:23-24, 2 Thess. 3:12-12 & Luke 16:10-11)

…doesn’t pride himself on being knowledgeable in the sinful ways of the world. (I John 2:15-16, James 4:4 & Phil. 4:8)

…expresses himself with intelligent words rather than using “street talk.” (Prov. 17:20, Titus 2:6-8, I Pet. 4:11 & Eph. 4:29)

…doesn’t have long hair because it is a “woman’s glory.”  A real man doesn’t desire to adorn himself with a woman’s glory. (I Cor. 11:14-16)

…has no desire to be gross in order to impress other men.  He doesn’t burp, swear, or tell disgusting stories. (Prov. 13:5 & Eph. 5:4)

Lori Hainline is 19 and her good friend, Rebecca Chandler, who co-authored this list, is 17.  Both live in Oregon.  Their closing comment: This list is not exhaustive, and men like this do exist!