"ET" Natalie

Our culture—even the conservative Christian sub-culture—often lives for approval. We hide any rough edges or signs of wear behind a carefully constructed mask of confidence, perfection, and success. Perhaps the Christian version of success holds a different form than pop culture’s, but it is every bit as constricting. Each group has their checklist and each of us mentally weighs self and everyone else against the ideal persona. Yet will we ever measure up?

-from an interview with our own Natalie over at Christa Taylor's blog, Empowered Traditionalist
read the entire interview: part one and part two and part three

"Giving Your Heart Away"

by Anna of Hope Road Blog

The concept of “giving you heart away” is one that I have been familiar with since high school, and I have gone from embracing it wholeheartedly to questioning it. The idea is that with each dating/courting relationship, and even each crush, that you allow yourself to become involved with, you are giving a piece of your heart away to that person. The danger is that you will, metaphorically speaking of course, give so many pieces of your heart away that when you finally get married you will have nothing left for your spouse. And this, we are told, is the reason we should exercise discernment and caution in dating relationships.

Now, I agree with certain aspects of this theory:

1. Discernment and caution are extremely important in dating relationships.
2. It is, of course, possible to connect physically and/or emotionally with someone in a way that can leave scars and regrets.
3. Being involved in a long series of serious relationships is a bad idea.
4. Each person you become emotionally involved with will leave his or her mark on your heart.
5. Many dating relationships today are characterized by emotional intimacy that is too much, too soon.

So on the surface, this idea does seem to have merit, and I think the intention behind it is good and solid. But these are the two problems I have with it:

This kind of approach seems to demand “a perfect score” in dating - that you should only become emotionally attached to one person, your future spouse. It can place guilt on a failed relationship that may have failed for all the right reasons - because two godly people decided that they could not honor God well in that relationship. It places pressure on people to wait for someone perfect, and perhaps even to stay in a wrong relationship because they are so afraid of failing. It places blame on non-sinful emotional connections. This is just not realistic in so many ways. Emotional purity does not necessarily mean that your emotions are a blank slate and that you have never loved (in a romantic sense).

This kind of approach can deemphasize the power of the gospel - yes, you read that right. First, a disclaimer: I am not saying that everyone who believes in the “pieces of your heart” theory is trying to downplay the power of the gospel. I just think that this theory tends in a harmful direction. Why do we behave as though this area of life is the only one that Jesus can’t restore and renew? Why do we say that the heart will be forever scarred and broken if we give pieces away before we’re ready? Jesus is the mender of broken lives. That is why He came. If we say that you’re giving pieces of your heart away to everyone you date, we’re saying that you’re doing permanent damage, that Jesus is not powerful enough to make all things new again. And we’re afraid of saying anything else because we don’t want people to think, “Oh, well, Jesus will forgive me. I can date as many people as I want with no repercussions.” But that’s not what the gospel is about, is it? It’s not a license to live without discernment and wisdom - it’s freely offered grace, in this area of life as in every other.

In conclusion, I think that dating relationships should always be approached with caution, prayer, and wisdom - but not with fear and anxiety about making a mistake and scarring our hearts irreparably.

Season of Waiting

Written in fall of 2007...

Autumn has arrived! During this season, we know what to expect. Temperatures and levels of humidity will be lower than in summer. We find the crispness of the mornings to be refreshing, complementing the crunch of leaves beneath our feet. Rays of sunlight shining at lower angles through the changing crimson, orange and yellow leaves cause us to rejoice at the wonders of Creation.

What a lovely time of year! Images of pumpkins, Indian corn and all varieties of squash and gourds come to mind as we ponder this new season. It is harvest time. Farmers thank the LORD for providing in abundance as they reap the fruit of their labors that began in spring. Through patience and trust, Yahweh provides in due time.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted…

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

Have we ever been anxious for the next season to arrive? During the summer, we may anticipate the chill that autumn provides. But what would it be like to see leaves turn color and fall in July? We would have bare skeletal branches for the remainder of the summer. What if our spring flowers began sprouting in January? They would freeze and die before we could see the buds blossom into full flower. It would not be the same as if we waited for the next season to come at the right time. “… The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing” (Harris, p. 78).

Just as farmers wait patiently for their crops to fully grow and ripen before harvesting them, we must wait patiently for the next season’s blessings in our personal lives. We are required to surrender our lives to the set segments of time in order to properly enjoy the beauty of each season. Placing our desires on hold and determining to wait on the LORD will prove to be rewarding.

As young maidens, if we seek a romantic relationship with a man before the time is right, we are merely involving ourselves in emotional confusion and counterfeit love. Just as the premature flower dies from cold and ice in winter, so withers the heart of one engaged in untimely emotional attachment. Our longings may be fulfilled for a moment, but will not reach the full beauty that the following season will be able to nurture.

”Just as spring’s role is different from that of fall, so each of the seasons of our lives has a different emphasis, focus and beauty. One is not better than another; each season yields its own unique treasures. We cannot skip ahead to experience the riches of another life season any more than a farmer can rush the spring. Each season builds on the one before it” (Harris, p. 78).

Through experience and prediction, we know relatively well the order of the seasons and what we can expect each to bring. After autumn comes winter and the cycle begins again with a new spring. Though each autumn has similar characteristics, they each bring surprises and something different than the one before through fluctuating weather patterns and changes in Creation. Even still, we can look ahead and know what will soon be upon us. As young ladies, we can glimpse ahead to the next season of our lives – which may bring unity with a young man in marriage. The problem is, we desire the rewards of that time before it arrives and can easily make the mistake of seeking the affection and intimacy of male companions, rushing into premature relationships.

Society says, “If you want it, it’s yours.” This voice is so strong and so prevalent everywhere we turn. Instant gratification, focus on self and indulgence in fleshly pleasures are the rule. Using the regular postal service will not do. Handwritten letters are now messages to be instantly e-mailed. Phone calls become “text messages” through cell phones and packages must be expressed for overnight delivery. Meals are eaten on the go or thrown in the microwave if there is more time. SnickersTM candy bars use a slogan that epitomizes the mentality of our generation in regard to food: “Hungry? Why wait?” There is no need to delay your body’s need for nourishment until you can arrive home and prepare dinner, indulge yourself now with a sweet treat. Deep down, we know there are consequences for giving in to this way of thinking. A SnickersTM bar may be tolerable after a balanced and nutritious meal, but will fill us up too quickly and leave us feeling sick and guilty for indulging ourselves in this selfish way before the meal.

The sweetness we maidens see that marriage provides, if consumed too soon, will leave us feeling shameful and improperly fulfilled. While the world governs itself with immediate self-satisfaction, as followers of Christ, our lives must be principled by patient self-denial. “…God wants us to appreciate the gifts of the present season of our lives. He wants us to learn the patience and trust necessary to wait for His perfect time in all things, including our love lives” (Harris, p. 77).

The experience and insight of our elder Sisters is needed to teach us, as young maidens, the wisdom in waiting for the next season, while redeeming the time and enjoying the blessings of the season we currently live in – the season of singleness. This perspective requires a realization that God does provide in His time. Even more important, we need to accept whatever it is He plans for our lives, even if that means remaining single. (See I Cor. 7:8, 34-35.)

Our loving, merciful, gracious and compassionate Father in Heaven has given us our very breath of life. He has created the whole earth and allowed us to dwell therein. He has provided and cared for us more than the ravens of the air and lilies of the field (Luke 12:24, 27-28). Can we trust in this Almighty God and remain content knowing His plan will be accomplished in our lives? We must surrender. Let us give up our own will and make His will ours, as Christ was able to do so perfectly. What comfort and relief we feel when we rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him, as David expressed so often in his Psalms of praise, such as in Psalm 37:7.

Let us enjoy the blessings provided in this season and realize the time is just right for crisp air, multi-colored trees and delicious aromas of pumpkin and spice drifting from the window as we help rake the leaves.  While we may look forward to softly falling snowflakes, warm, fuzzy mittens and hot cocoa sprinkled with mini marshmallows, we will savor and make the most of the current season.

Reference: Harris, Joshua. I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Sisters: Multnomah, 2003.

- by Jennifer W.

Bon Appetit!

Long-time readers may recall an informal polling I did for a friend working on a new series. The fruits of that survey were a link in the chain that became Let Them Eat Cake and its just-released sequel Bon Appetit. Bon Appetit officially releases September 16 so if this review whets your appetite you are in for a literary--and culinary treat. I do not know many novels which make your mouth literally water for the delectable French pastries the leading lady creates, but how could it be otherwise when full recipes for delectable desserts and breads are incorporated throughout the story? (Lexi is even on AllRecipes for those who want more!)

From page one it was, as I confessed to Sandra, "so much like me that it was almost scary." The book opens with the main character beginning life in France as a culinary school student and assistant in a family bakery. Like Lexi, I remember all the excitement and trepidation associated with moving overseas. Like Lexi, I love all things French: the language, the culture, the food, the landscape. Unlike Lexi, those loves did not help my transition considering I moved to a Japanese tropical island, not a Parisan village!

There are a number of things I appreciate about this book. Instead of descriptive, often stomach-turning mush, Bon Appetit offers the tasteful, realistic tensions of a relationship while remaining safely unoffensive for any reader. Sandra immerses you in modern French culture and life at a pastry school. Anyone who has had the adventure of living and adjusting to another country will easily identify with Lexi's struggles and exploration. The ending held a delightful--albeit tormenting--twist which leaves you rueing the fact it will be 2009 before we can read the conclusion to this series. 

For more on Sandra, enjoy her website and blog here. Incidentally, "when I grow up" I want a website as cute and high-quality as hers (if I can write the books to deserve it!); it is one of the best author websites I've seen and fits perfectly with her style of books. Enjoy!

Belonging

Humming one of my favorite tunes, I typed in my username and password. In a few seconds my inbox displayed, flashing "20 unread messages". Skimming subject lines as I scrolled down the screen, I clicked on one e-mail that read, "Guess what?!"

"What? You're courting too?" I muttered while the next page loaded. My tone bordered on cynicism. It seemed like my mailbox online and at the end of my driveway had been relentlessly flooded with courtship or engagement announcements and wedding invitations, in the past year. Was everyone between twenty and twenty-five getting married in 2007?

I was beginning to wonder.

Everyone wants to belong. It's no fun to be on the outskirts. It can get lonely there fast. Sometimes you get overlooked.

As I've progressed into my twenties and my little-girl fantasy of getting married at seventeen and having two children by now, fades into reality, I've gotten wistful. I watch as people I know fall in love, get married and build their own homes. I envy them. And yet I long for days gone by.

I want to be a little girl with pigtails again, who has the guts to jump in a barrel and let her brothers push her down the hill. I laugh as I think of how that little girl leaped from the galloping container to thoroughly rebuke her roguish brothers. I long for days with old, now wedded friends, when one could laugh and carry-on together, without the extra responsibilities of marriage and family.

I'd like to rewind and unlock the memories from time, to relive again those cherished moments. Why? Because I belonged there. And now as my playmates walk as a bride to the altar and bring precious children into the world, I am faced with the question: Where do I belong?

I'm graduated. Grown. Lord, what have you in store for me? For those unattached souls who want more than an average existence, this question is not underrated. We can be full of talent, face a world of opportunity and be challenged with a page of possibilities…yet still not feel like we belong. So we pray and cry to our heavenly Father, Lord, what do you want of me? We can write. We can speak. We can operate a business. But it isn't belonging.

To belong, is to be a part of something. To be connected in the framework of a purpose. In the Kingdom of our Lord, where do we, the childless, "unmarrieds", belong?

Not too long ago I was struggling to know where I fit into the picture. Once again, I'd opened up a letter announcing a courtship. Maybe you answered the phone and got the latest news from your comrade. I was looking at my pursuits and my role in life, and beginning to wonder if I truly belonged. Or was I just scraping along and trying to make things work?

I opened my e-mail and found this treasure.

The circumstances of her life she could not alter, but she took them to the Lord, and handed them over into His management, and then she believed that He took it and she left all the responsibility and the anxiety with Him. As often as the anxieties returned she took them back; and the result was that, although the circumstances remained unchanged, her soul was kept in perfect peace in the midst of them. And the secret she found so effectual in her outward affairs, she found to be still more effectual in her inward ones, which were in truth even more utterly unmanageable. She abandoned her whole self to the Lord, with all that she was and all that she had; believing that He took that which she had committed to Him, she ceased to fret and worry, and her life became all sunshine in the gladness of belonging to Him.

- H. W. Smith

I read it again. The last three words captured my attention. I sat back in my chair and reflected. There are lots of clubs we can join, ranks we can merge with, and alliances we can make that might make us feel like we belong. But married or not, the question of belonging can only be fully satisfied when we belong to our Lord. In every station of life we'll face uncertainties and insecurities. At times no matter who we are, we'll end up on the fringes, feeling left-out and forgotten. Such is life.

But, there is a woman who can rise above. She might get overlooked and neglected to be invited. Yet this virtuous woman smiles and rejoices. Tears might trace patterns on her cheeks. She possibly will wonder where she is fitting in. Nevertheless, she is confident in Someone greater than her. She knows that a life placed in the hands of her Lord, will not be wasted. She is assured that He who began a good work in her, will complete that work. She knows whom she has believed in. She is persuaded that He shall keep her.

In her life the clouds have parted and the sun shines down upon her contented heart, becoming all sunshine in the indescribable joy of belonging…to Him.

Aspiring writer, Renee Pratt, lives amidst stirring New England country with seven of her thirteen siblings. She is the manager of Candlelight Home Ministries - a book and resource web business with a family-operated Sewing Extension serving her local community. You can reach her at: imcelebrating@gmail.com

One thing's for sure

by Jennifer W.

It has been almost a year since I was reflecting on hopes and dreams for my life. Not much has changed except that I am now nearly two years shy of being three decades old. I am not yet a wife or mother, though hope is always on the horizon.

God has been gracious to give me another year to learn and grow spiritually. I am thankful He has blessed me with opportunities to use my maternal instincts as He placed many children in my care this past year. I feel if it is His will, I am now perhaps even more equipped to become a bride through trials and experiences He brought me through in twelve month’s time.

One thing I have been noticing about life on this earth is that nothing is guaranteed. We can be given great blessings, but they can be just as easily taken away…

We can be feeling full of health one week and then the next be diagnosed with a terminal sickness.

If we are given to a man in marriage, in some way or another, he could be taken from us.

We could discover that we have been given a baby only to later lose the fruit of our womb through miscarriage, stillbirth or infant illness.

We could move into the farmhouse of our dreams, only to see it burn to the ground soon after.

Am I being pessimistic? I would like to think that I am only being realistic; realizing that the Lord who can abundantly give can just as easily take away. I cannot count on getting married and then living happily ever after. I cannot wait until I have a healthy baby in my arms for my life to truly begin. Maybe it is God’s will for me to remain unmarried until the end of my days. Yet, if I do marry, I need to be ready for whatever life brings – whether it means being a dedicated wife for fifty joyful years or becoming a widow after only a short time of experiencing the joy of marriage... Whether it means having a dozen children or living with the knowledge that my womb may never bear life.

There are a lot of uncertainties in life and no temporal guarantees. One thing is for sure, though. God is unchanging. I am the LORD, I change not (Mal. 3:6). Though the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord! His will is indeed perfect and His ways are ways of faithfulness. I will strive to trust in Him – no matter what happens!

"As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him. For who is God besides the LORD? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." -II Sam. 22:31-33 (NIV)

“Get Married” – A Book Review

There’s a lot of discussion on this blog about marriage and singleness. As far as I can tell, most single girls who visit this site deeply desire marriage – and many feel “stuck” in a prolonged season of singleness. We often lament, “Where are the men? It’s not like there’s anything I can do about my single state. After all, I’m a woman, and the men are supposed to initiate, right?” What’s a girl to do?

Enter Candice Watters’ outstanding new book Get Married: What Women Can Do To Help It Happen. As the founder, former editor, and advice columnist for Boundless webzine, Candice understands the issues single women face. She writes with warmth and encouragement, taking a no-nonsense approach to a woman’s place and responsibility in pursuing marriage. To quote from the back cover: “Marriage. It’s good and natural to want—and it’s something most of us are called to. But if that’s true, why are so many women single beyond their expectations? And what, if anything, can they do about it? Plenty! . . . You can be content with where you are today and still desire marriage in a way that honors God. And there are things you can do to help it happen.”

Sound good? It is! No more self-pitying refrains of “. . . but there’s nothing I can do.” This book will give you fresh hope and encouragement, no matter how long you’ve been single. And you’ll find plenty of Scripture to help deepen your understanding about relationships.

Please note: This is not a feminist, “girl-power” book. “[It] isn’t a book about desperation or the hyperactivity of joining every dating service and singles group. You won’t find a list of a hundred tips for meeting a hot man or five things you can do today to help you get married tomorrow.” If that’s what you want, keep looking. But if you want to examine your mindset, understand more about God’s plan and reason for marriage, and learn to live like you’re planning (not just hoping) to marry, this is the book for you.

Now there’s no excuse. If girls read this book, they’ll no longer say “there’s nothing I can do.”

Go for it, girls! Marriage is a worthy and honorable goal – Get Married!

- by Jeannie Castleberry

Doorsteps

I believe in doorsteps.

Some of you might already know what I mean by that, particularly those who were there when it was coined. I'm afraid I can't take credit for the saying and I can't remember who was the first to start saying it, but among a small group of single girls that phrase is significant.

I believe in doorsteps. I believe that God can create miracles in a place that is barren. I believe that God is powerful and if it is His will, the right man could show up on my doorstep.

So many times I have heard people admonishing singles to get out! Get looking! Stop sitting around and waiting! And I agree, to an extent.

We shouldn’t just sit around, twiddling our thumbs. We should do what we can with what we have, where we are, whether it be folding laundry and helping out at home, working in an office, or going to school. Neither should we turn up our noses at opportunities to make friends with guys or avoid social events where young men might be. However, to be quite honest, I have to say that I believe it to be a rare few girls who actually do that.

Some of us are living in places where there are no eligible young men. Maybe all the good ones are taken. Maybe none share the same convictions as we do. Maybe none are old enough or ready for marriage. And maybe some are just not paying attention to all the young women who are waiting to be asked.

It's hard during a dry period, where you feel hemmed in and without hope on the horizon. It's hard to hear people tell you that if you just did A, B, and/or C, you'll meet a guy, because that doesn't always happen and sometimes A, B, and C aren't possible. It's hard to hang onto hope.
And that's where believing in doorsteps comes in.

Believing in doorsteps means opening the door – to hope. God is a God of hope and miracles and He would never have us lose hope. He would never have us doubt His abilities, never believe that anything is too impossible for Him. Even granting a single girl a husband, when she has been waiting so long.

I don’t expect my Dym – as I have begun to call that man who I have yet to meet, but hope to marry someday – to necessarily show up on my doorstep. I don’t expect a husband to fall into my living room while I wait in my own little corner.

I live life. I work. I laugh. I dance. I sing. I live. I don’t pin my hopes on every man that crosses my path because…I believe in doorsteps. I believe that God is in control and He knows which man may be my Dym. I don’t have to worry. I don’t have to wait twiddling my thumbs or go out on an epic mission searching for a man. God has the master plan and that’s enough for me.

And so, I hope. I hope, I live, I work, I pray, I wait…and believe in doorsteps.

- by Krista Skinner
from the IDD Blog

On Desire and Longing- a taste from Quest

As young women, our longing for romance and marriage, for husband and children, is a desire implanted by God Himself at the core of our beings. This hope is part of the foundation of our identity as women; thus the wrestling we face when we are told to be content as singles or to “put our emotions to sleep” can be fruitless and frustrating.

For me, the yearning to go to the High Places returns with new strength at unexpected moments: while sharing the adventures of beloved characters in a well-written book, or watching a friend fall in love with a good man, or being surrounded by the pungent aroma of an autumn campfire. It whispers in a baby’s chuckle and beckons from the warmth of a father’s embrace.

One such experience came recently when I woke up earlier than usual. The tall arched windows in my bedroom overlook acres of forest. The faintest hint of pink tinged the tops of the trees, promising a glorious sunrise. Hugging my knees, I savored the cool breeze drifting through the window and listened to the birds begin to sing. I was perfectly content—yet I felt my heart reaching, yearning. This beauty called to me. It beckoned for me to come…but come where?

The High Places. Was it the desire for a masculine hand to hold mine and share this timeless moment? The answer will aggravate you: it is both yes and no. Everything is sweeter when shared with a best friend for life, your one true love, your man. Without him is loneliness and melancholy. With him life blossoms into a passionate intoxication of delight. From secular love songs to Christian novels, the climax of a woman’s life always comes when she is finally with her man. Sound familiar? Perhaps it does, not only because it is touted in our culture, but because a song in the same key echoes from inside us. Deep inside. Too deep to be blamed on the attempted brain-washing of a depraved culture. There rises a call, a dream from our soul.

What is this thing that draws us? That will not allow us to remain content in the valley our entire life? This tug women feel cannot be captured in mere words, nor confined even within the vast reaches of our own hearts. It is what I refer to as the call to the High Places. Not merely to a man, to romance, or to marriage, which our Christian culture magnifies as the ultimate goal, but to our Father’s High Places.

Do you see? What is often translated as a girlish longing for romance runs far deeper. Our Lord, the mighty and loving King of Kings, calls us to come with Him to a life the world will never understand. He has a much higher purpose for our lives than we could ever imagine.

We seek eternity. The beauty that tugs at our hearts is the echoe of everlasting life that awaits all of God’s people. Our gracious Father gives us glimpses of those riches through dim earthly mirrors. Through marriage is seen a powerful and unique manifestation of what lies beyond. To marvel at and reach for these gifts should not be condemned.

Would you like to join me on this journey to the High Places? The quest demands that we examine our motivations and dreams and allow the Lord to remove any weight that hinders our climb. We follow Him to the High Places by any path He chooses. Our goal is not freedom from the bane of singleness or the subjugation of all our emotions (if only we could still them once in a while!). No, the High Places awaken a desire in us that traces back to our purpose for existence—beyond marriage and even beyond our lives on this earth. The issue of guy-girl relationships is just one of many mountains we face, but for many of us it is the climb through which God chooses to test us most deeply during these “in-between” years.

The longer I wandered in the valley the more comfortable I grew living for less than the best. The High Places held a holy wonder that sparked terror deep inside. In the core of my being echoed a question unbidden, which I was incapable of answering: “Do I really want to go there? Do I really want to be laid bare before a Holy God in all His majesty?”

Above all, a fear clutched at the back of my mind holding me paralyzed. “What if God does not give me what I really want?” It sounds foolish when spelled out in black and white, but that did not invalidate its grip on me.

We dread giving our cherished dreams to the Lord, because…what if He takes it away? How can we bear to relinquish something so close to our heart? To do so would inflict a gaping wound, and pain is to be avoided at all costs—right?

Dare we trust our Father to faithfully provide for us? Are we willing to yield our dreams for marriage and intimacy and permit Him to do as He pleases? Are we sworn to seeking the High Places even if it becomes clear that our journey will not include the firm grip of a prince’s hand to help us over the tough spots? Is our passion for God’s glory strong enough to withstand the pounding of emotions?

Our Shepherd knows our fragility. We do not love Him even the smallest percent of what we should, nor do we give Him half of the devotion He deserves. Yet no matter our place on the climb, He offers His hand. “You love me only this much?” He asks. “Well, then I will give you the strength to love Me just a little bit more today, and a little bit more the day after that, until you are so full of love for Me that there is no room for anything else.”

- Excerpted from Quest for the High Places - Updated Edition

Thoughts on "Sand Castles"

The publication of "Sand Castles" prompted some excellent comments. For those who did not recently read this thread, I am posting some of the ladies' thoughts here. I am deliberately including various perspectives from ladies in diverse situations. May it be good food for thought...

Roxi: I am 31 years old now and "never been chosen by a man," especially a very godly one. But in the last year - since I've turned 30 - I have truly accepted the fact that maybe the "solid castle" of God for me is not marriage. So...I am happy with whatever He chooses for me. Until now He has chosen a life of singleness. My heart is ready to dedicate and love a man, like it is already doing that with God and other people. But if He doesn't provide me with a family, I am truly happy! My happiness is Him alone, not circumstances and other relations.

Dear sister, I will pray for you what I pray for me as well: that my heart and all I am is dead (It's not me who lives but Christ in me) and only Him and His plans, and His life, and His character live in me! Then we find true happiness and joy.

Katie: I can completely relate to everything you said here. I'm also in my twenties and have never had a relationship, and I have very much felt the pain of the man I cared for in love with someone else. It is a lonely place sometimes. But I have a beautiful picture in my mind of my godly husband, and I truly trust that someday a real, live man will slowly fit into that picture. And it's a wonderful place to be, to trust God for it all. I have felt so close to God through all of the pain.

Joanna: "For since the beginning of the world men have not heard nor perceived by the ear, nor has the eye seen any God besides You, Who acts for the one who waits for Him" (Isaiah 64:4).

I can appreciate your pain, having married at 30 after a decade of waiting. Let me say one thing though. While marriage is wonderful and dream-fulfilling, it is also dream-shattering too. Our dreams in our little minds are daily shattered as we must learn to die to self and live with another sinful human. Marriage is too glamorized in many ways. The reality of it (even with a wonderful godly man!)can be hard to handle.

Singleness is so so hard--I know--but marriage is so so hard too! The joys are great but so are the sacrifices. God tells us that in His word--that married people will have trouble in the flesh. So don't despair....please....pain is part of living. Whether single or married, we must learn to live with it. No man on earth can know and satisfy the desires and expectations of our hearts, and because God is the only One who won't fail and won't fall.

Anonymous: Also, the writer and any readers might find comfort as I have in Twila Paris's song, "I Will Listen," part of which says:

And I will listen to His voice
Could it be that He is only waiting there to see
If I will learn to love the dreams
that He has dreamed for me

Another Joanna: This post is a tremendous encouragement to me, having seen a broken sandcastle wash fully away recently. Since I've walked through the pain of a broken courtship, the fire of love & loss, I can sympathize with some of the writer's pain--although I'm 7 years younger.

Dear sisters, keep at the front of your mind the fact that Christ is our ultimate Husband (the Church is His Bride), and if He calls us to serve Him without a husband, He is not doing it whimsically to cause us pain, but lovingly for our own better good and His glorious purpose for us. It doesn't seem so glorious, I grant you, but--"I do not consider the sufferings of this present time to be worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed."

For myself, as much as I long for a husband to love & be loved by, and for children to train & delight in, I have been led to lay this in the hands of God fully, and to accept that He may have me to be unmarried for some years, if not my whole life. He has showed me a path of humble service to my family & others that, if followed obediently, I am confident will enrich me and bring me joy, even if the rose has thorns.

It is a daily struggle to keep my eyes on Him and not on my dear dreams, or even on others' fulfilled ones. But I believe that His strength will be made manifest in my weakness, and that in faith I can walk this road--and I have the same confidence for all of you, dear sisters, because is founded in the LORD--the Almighty of Heaven and Earth, and the Rock & Shelter to which you may continually come.

Anonymous: You know, it's not just you single girls who build sandcastles in your minds. We married girls have to resist the temptation to do that as well. It's so easy when you're single to imagine how wonderful it will be to find "the one", but like someone else said, marriage is hard. To all single ladies, ask God now to help you discern the difference between dreams and fantasies. For example:

Godly man = dream

Perfect man who's wildly romantic, yet dependable and always knows what you need without having to be told = uh, fantasy. Ask me how I know this.

Right now God is teaching me to be content with my husband of 13 years and stop trying to change him or dreaming of ways he might improve. He's not perfect (neither am I), and that's okay. I'm learning, finally, what it means to be his helpmeet. It's great to build him up instead of criticize him, and I think I would have learned all of this sooner if my expectations had been reasonable, instead of building such a dreamworld in my mind.

Anonymous: I couldn't help thinking of the parable Jesus told--how the foolish man builds sandcastles while the wise man builds his life on Jesus. I know that's not quite the way He told it, but my mind melded your story and His. "Trust in Yahweh and He will give you the desires of your heart" has been on my mind much in the last year or so--not as a promise that He'll give us whatever we want, but that He will make our desires pleasing to Him! In His presence is fullness of joy!

Mary Beth: This article resonates with me. I am 32 and "never been kissed," never dated, or been in love. I have never "seen myself" with any particular guy. I have been solitary, along with my sisters, in our pursuit of holiness and loveliness that is altogether lost in our society.

Let us all have hope and not be weary in our well doing! My older sister Cori is marrying her sweetheart Brian next Saturday. They have known each other a year now; he is a local boy, born and raised right down the road from us. Their paths crossed vaguely several times over the last 15 years, but they did not recognize one another until they were matched by a modern-day matchmaker. They are so very happy. Cori is 37.

So, don't give up. Keep your life busy in work and ministry to others. This too shall pass, all in God's good time, even though we may not understand or agree with it!

Sand Castles

I feel sad. Earlier I felt I could cry. It is so hard sometimes to be satisfied in where God has placed me. To be content. Have you ever been 26 years old and still so very single? Never had a kiss stolen, never held hands with a man in mutual affection. I've never been chosen by a man. I've been waiting a long time.

God has helped me. He's listened to all my cries from my heart, as I weep because--well, I'm not sure why. But I have wanted to marry a specific man. He saw my crestfallen face as I heard that he loved someone else. He's seen how over and over again I love someone in my own funny way and they turn around and choose someone else, often marrying them. Over and over and over again...

I talked to God about the state of my heart today. I was heavy hearted, frustrated, jealous, and not content with where I am. He showed me a picture of a sandcastle: a rather ornate little sandcastle. This is my dreams, my fantasies I create when I choose someone. I think about them, imagine something happening and create a castle of sorts on the sand.

That man has never been the one God has for me. But for some reason it was more fun to have a castle of sand than no castle at all.

But He showed me another picture. This time I saw a real castle: a real solid structure with bricks--solid bricks. This is what He has for me. Notice the future tense. "Has" if I will only wait and hope in Him. Someday He will give this to me. This place and these dreams He has for me.

I can let the ocean come and knock my little castles into the ocean, wash them away...wash away the dreams. The dreams that have been trampled on. The unsolid dreams that never were going to amount to much anyways. The dreams that have brought so much discontentment, pain, and turmoil.

They were only sand. Ornate in the fact of all the time and energy I put into them, but they were my dreams, not the dreams God has for me. They were fantasies not the truth, not the reality God will place in my life in His time. He already has the blueprint. He has the bricks and the mortar. He's building a foundation in my life to build this castle.

Why do I keep building my little sandcastles on shifting sand that the ocean will soon pull into its cold and salty self? I look down the beach and see so many castles. And the rain of my tears can wash them all away as I relinquish my dreams again and wait and let God build the real thing.

- Name withheld by request

A Spinster Looks at Proverbs 31 (2 of 2)

Read Part One here...

She is not afraid of the snow for her household; for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh for herself carpets of tapestry; her clothing is fine linen and purple.

Sounds like a pretty classy lady to me. I'm certain that it pleases God when I put out the effort to show that knowing Him makes His daughters more beautiful. I'm certain it blesses others when my dress is neither too dull nor too bold, but refreshing, sunshiny, and restful to the eye.

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

Staying in the background and helping to make my boss look good is pretty easy, but consistently honoring him in my attitude is something that only comes from Jesus.

She maketh linen garments and selleth them, and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

This lady is a real entrepreneur...something I've never dreamed of being. I wonder what God will teach me about this one?

Strength and dignity are her clothing; and she laugheth at the time to come.

Ah yes. I can stand tall because I'm His.

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and the law of kindness is on her tongue.

I think the Holy Spirit wants to remind me that as a woman, I've got influence I can use for good, if I'll work with Him on it. And there's no need to use sarcasm to defend myself from teasing. If I stick to gentleness, He'll look out for me.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

This is becoming a joy to do, but it takes a choice. As a naturally dreamy person, I could tune out needs and resent the interruptions of everyday life...or I can enjoy keeping a beautiful, well-stocked apartment.

Her children rise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her, saying: Many daughters have done worthily, but thou excellest them all. Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

Did you know that this is a promise? If you fear Him, you'll be praised. Period. I've discovered (to my surprise) that you don't need a husband and children to receive appreciation and love and recognition for the things that Jesus is doing in you. He knows how to get the message through to you, and sometimes He'll use the most unexpected people.

Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her works praise her in the gates.

And even if no person notices what you do, for every secret sacrifice, every obedient action, and every beautiful attitude, oh how real is His approval and love!

- by Elisabeth Adams

A Spinster Looks at Proverbs 31 (1 of 2)

It was lunch break, and I was sitting down for a quick "Bible snack" when my eyes fell on Proverbs 31:26: "The law of kindness is on her tongue." Though I've read it a thousand times, this time it went right to the quick. Uh-oh. You mean, kindness to the classmate who is doing his utmost to replace the pesty older brother I never had?

I've heard this passage applied to married women; I've even heard it applied to single women in general, but now I began rereading it with a whole new sense that it was written for me.

(Feel free to listen in: you just might come up with an application to your own life!)

A worthy woman who can find? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband trusteth in her, and he shall have no lack of gain.

Hmmm, no husband, but I do have a boss. Can he trust me to be follow all the rules of my workplace, even though no one is watching me?

She doeth him good and not evil all the days of her life.

There are no days off from honesty.

She seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

I'm seeking out research material, not wool and flax, but am I working with it willingly? Or am I trying to get done studying Pliny as fast as possible so I can move on to more appealing topics?

She is like the merchant-ships; she bringeth her bread from afar.

...and sometimes in a backpack. I used to hate shopping, but God is helping me to turn it into an adventure.

She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth food to her household, and their task to her maidens.

Probably this means making sure the house is ready for guests in a timely manner. Bathrooms clean? Coffee pot on? Cookies served? Or am I rushing around at the last minute?

She considereth a field, and buyeth it; with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

I wonder what this means in my case. Certainly that I ought to be investing in the future, with whatever talents God has given me - and not merely getting caught up in the demands of today.

She girdeth her loins with strength, And maketh strong her arms.

She sounds pretty "in shape" to me! Fortunately, though I am by no means a sports-player, I do love to walk – and have plenty of places to walk to. I think it keeps me happier and more balanced spiritually and emotionally.

She perceiveth that her merchandise is profitable: Her lamp goeth not out by night.

This does not mean staying up all night, much as I'd be tempted to interpret it that way! I've heard that in Bible times, a nightlight was kept burning in the house. However, if someone forgot to fill it before they went to bed – out it would go. Much as I'd love to burn the midnight oil, I find that I can't give my best work to God or my employer if I don't get enough sleep.

She layeth her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.

No sewing is going on in this house, but certainly I can be reminded to make use of the small moments in the day, rather than frittering them away on things that neither refresh me nor fulfill the goals God has given me. Uh-oh. I'm sure some of my internet use falls in that category.

She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

A good reminder to give the commodity most precious to me: time. If I get lonely, don't some of the friends I've been neglecting feel the same way? This reminds me of a lovely promise that comes from the marginal reading of Isaiah 58:10: "Give to the hungry what your soul desires..." As a single girl, what do you desire most? Kindness? Love? A simple acknowledgment that someone knows you exist? If you give that out, "...then shall your light rise in darkness, and your obscurity be as the noonday; and the LORD will guide you continually, and satisfy your soul in dry places, and make strong your bones; and you shall be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not."

...to be continued

- by Elisabeth Adams

Seasons of Singleness - Part Two

Why Waiting?

From our perspective, some waiting is purposeful, and some waiting is purposeless. Waiting at 13 isn’t easy, but at least it’s the way it’s supposed to be. Frankly, we feel that a family-hearted woman who is still not married at 30 is not the way it’s supposed to be. The fact that my 33 year old friend has been married for 6 years without children is not the way it’s supposed to be. The fact that (barring a miracle) Joni Eareckson Tada will spend the rest of her life in a wheelchair is not the way it’s supposed to be.

Elisabeth Elliot defines suffering as “Having something you don’t want, or wanting something you don’t have.” Everybody has suffering. Even, as Natalie has been so faithful to point out, courting, engaged, and married women. Suffering is not the way it’s supposed to be, but it’s part of living in a fallen world. It doesn’t make sense, but God doesn’t try to make it make sense to us. To the oxymoron of a boil-covered, bereaved righteous man in the book of Job, the only answer He gave was Himself.

If it’s hard to see God, try watching for Him in the lives of His suffering children. See the beauty? See the platform for His glory? Are you picking up that incredible fragrance that starts you thinking about heaven? That’s not the answer to suffering: God is. But at least it reminds you of Him. And He is always the way He is supposed to be.

It’s easy to feel a twinge of pain when you encounter the happiness of courting and married friends. Perhaps you want to turn to cynicism: oh, it isn’t as good as it looks. Perhaps you just want to check out of their lives. Or perhaps you may see a picture of God’s heart: this is what He wants to do for all His children. This is what He wants to do for you.

I love the powerful imagery of Psalm 78, where notable among the afflictions of God’s people was the fact that “their virgins had no marriage-song.” What did God care? Well, “then the Lord awoke as one out of sleep, like a mighty man that shouts... and he smote his adversaries backward.” He cared, all right.

I love the powerful wording of the book of Ruth. She appeals to Boaz for help, and he immediately strides off to the city to take up her cause. No wonder Naomi says to Ruth, “Sit still my daughter, for the man will not rest until he has completed the thing today.” That’s God’s heart for you.

This is the secret that has revolutionized my waiting: He is not waiting. He is working on my behalf right now! Why am I still waiting? Because His plan is deeper, broader and more powerful than this one aspect and this one life, and He won’t stop until all things are the way they’re supposed to be. Even if that means I need to wait.

Reality Check

I went to visit a good friend the other night: she’s my age... and has five adorable children. She is everything I should be most jealous of, but it isn’t just jealousy that Mary provokes me to. Of course, bumping against her life (They wake up six times a night??!) reminds me of all that is good about mine, and that provokes me to thankfulness. Bumping against her life matures and re-stokes my childhood vision for motherhood: it’s costly and it’s precious in God’s sight. Remember how the Bible tells us to “provoke one another to love and good works”? Well, Mary provokes me to serious preparation for the answer to my prayers!

- by Elisabeth Adams

Seasons of Singleness - Part One

A Time to Wait

Dear girls,

Ever since Natalie wrote “Seasons’ Perspectives,” I’ve been thinking about those of you who aren’t married, or engaged, or courting, or even “just friends.” I stayed up ‘til past midnight the other night, scribbling down ideas for you. I had plenty of time yesterday (while I was removing wallpaper from our bathroom walls) to think and pray about what I might say to you. But as inspired as I felt then, I’m not so sure when I pull out my laptop and stare at the screen that I have anything important to share.

But I’m going to go on the assumption that you are like me. I’d love to have an older sister: close enough to remember how hard my season of life is, but experienced enough to give me a little advice on what comes next. Gretchen and Natalie and Lanier have been like that for us, haven’t they? I love talking with older women: it makes me feel that if they have made it thus far, perhaps I can too! For many of us, mothers and grandmothers fill that role. But I still need to talk with those who are in my season of life.

It’s called waiting.

As a teenager, I had every expectation of following in my mother’s footsteps: she was married at nearly 22, and went on to have eight children. If you had told me at 19 that I was about to experience 10 years of singleness, words could not have expressed my misery. Now here I am: 29, longing more than ever for husband and children of my own... and one of the happiest people I know. Such are the surprises of life with Jesus: it is more painful and more joyful then your imagination can ever predict. It’s hardly worth the time, then, to break your heart over an imagined future (good or bad) because it won’t be that way.

Some of you are asking, “What do I do while I wait?” In the years between 13 and (almost) 30, I have found some things that work, and some things that don’t.

What doesn’t work

• Only seeking God if He’ll talk to me about my love life.
• Being stoic and pretending I’m fine when I’m not.
• Using scorn (against myself or the guy) to dampen my emotions.
• Stealing attention from a guy.
• Growing my ego at another’s expense.
• Indulging my imagination in order to satisfy my self.
• Defining myself primarily as a single.
• Clinging to my choice for my life.
• Focusing on the fact that I can see no prospective husband on the horizon.
• Allowing disappointment to grow into bitterness.

What does work

• Seeking to know God as my best friend, no matter what my life looks like.
• Recognizing emotion as having an effect on my life and discussing it frankly with God.
• Growing to know and love another child of God as he truly is.
• Unselfishly praying for a guy... who may never know you are doing it. (At least not before heaven).
• Recognizing that I may not be the best for this guy, and quietly waiting for God to show me.
• Habitually countering my imagination with the truth: to Whom this guy really belongs, what our true relationship is – today – and what true love will do for him as a result.
• Defining primarily myself as God’s child, with all the blessings and responsibilities that entails.
• Continuing to toss the ball back into God’s court, every time my desires come to mind.
• Recognizing the fact that I am in miracle territory – with the Expert in miracles on my side, and folks like Isaac and Rebekah, Ruth and Boaz, or even Abraham and Sarah for company.
• Becoming expert at seeing what God has already given me (and keeps giving me daily) and thanking Him for it, while asking with childlike faith for today’s grace...and tomorrow’s dream come true.

- by Elisabeth Adams

Setting Standards

In prelude to February 14 we will be sharing a series of wonderful articles on singleness and courtship by a variety of Team Members. Watch for a piece by Chantel tomorrow...

The below is a comment I gave in response to an article about physical touch before marriage. As tempting as it is as single girls to set high standards (and I am not discouraging physical purity or honoring a parent's wishes), there is a point where even this good thing might go into dangerous, unhealthy territory.

I commend you for desiring to remain above reproach. However, I almost guarantee that five years from now you will look back and chuckle at how firm you were in areas that are not only Christian liberty, but ones that can be enjoyed to the glory of God!

It concerns me that girls might be so firm on waiting to even hold hands before marriage. Is it wrong to wait? Probably not. Is it "best"? More importantly, is it "best" across the board for young ladies? Here are my objections.

1) If you state this publicly others will hold you to it, even if you later change your mind. More than one friend of mine measured her purity by her ability to save her first kiss for the wedding altar. More than one friend of mine changed her mind before marriage and either battled intense guilt or was condemned by others for lowering her standards.

2) If you believe this, it is a great temptation to look down on others who have "lesser" standards and/or think that to do such is truly sinning, or at the very least, not as godly. Again, this is a symptom of the searching-for-God's-best syndrome.

3) We girls are the last ones who should be setting the rules on "how these things should be in my courtship." Certainly, if you felt that you did not want physical touch--especially for a good reason--I imagine any gentleman would honor that. However, in general, it is the gentleman and the maiden's father who determine how the courtship and engagement should be....and yet sometimes we girls have it all planned out in our heads before we even meet our future mate--forgetting there are a lot of other people involved!

4) What if your beloved has not held to as strict a standard? He might have held a girl's hand, hugged her or even kissed her....what would you do? Would you dismiss him as unworthy? Make him somehow prove that he was still pure? Feel your own efforts were wasted? Condemn him?

Has he truly sinned? Perhaps...but perhaps not. Will you be devastated if you cannot find a suitor who is "as pure" as you? You may have non-negotiable standards. But ruling out a suitor because he had held a girl's hand?

5) There is a great danger in redefining purity according to a standard that is not God's. Our Father clearly tells us what purity is and is not. But to say, as I see in some girls' comments, that the advocation against premarital hand holding is "fighting for purity" is not true. Not according to the Bible's definition.

6) As much as we would love to have the security of absolutes, abstaining from physical touch is not a guarantee that you will remain pure in a relationship--just as committing to courtship does not guarantee an absence of heartache or pain. Ask anyone who has been in love--just looking into your beloved's eyes is very very wonderful and can stir up thoughts just like the sound of their voice or even a memory of them. This is the way God designed us! No matter what rules you make, we will be tempted. The key is how we respond to temptation and honor God with ourselves--in touch, in look, in speech, and in thought.

Physical touch should not claim all the limelight. The focus is much better placed on how wonderful and beautiful Godly romantic love is!

Reflections

Thoughts written for September 6th.

Just three years to the day shy of 30 and I never imagined myself to be where I am now. I had never given it much thought. From the time I could count my years using only one hand, in my mind it was a fact that I would have long since been a mama. What else would I be?

Even at age two, God blessed me with natural maternal instinct and domestic interests. This was in turn a blessing for Mom as I was helping to feed and diaper my baby sister when I was 4 or 5 (and yes, my mom used cloth diapers and pins!).

I suppose it was only natural that I chose to be a teacher. I don’t remember needing to take any time at all to decide what I wanted to do; I had been working with children from the time I was a child myself so when it came time to enter university, I applied for a place in the College of Education. Though I went to school to be a teacher, I had always longed for the role of mother.

Clearly, in order to be a mother, a father is also needed. So, more importantly, I supposed I would have also been married by now. I would have been a bride of youthful energy, ready to create a beautiful and welcoming home for my husband, filled with a few adorable children who would all be raised well-mannered and healthy.

But, Yahweh has had a different plan. As the One Who knows the beginning from the end, He knew my heart needed much work and re-shaping during those “youthful, energetic” years. Though occasionally I do feel as if time has been wasted, I recognize the infinite wisdom of the Deity; that He knows what He is doing in His time.

There is more to wifehood and motherhood than my childhood and youthful perception understood. So much more. In order to be a good mother, I must get to know my Heavenly Father and familiarize myself with His character. I must learn to love Him and His ways above all else. Learn to truly love others, to be patient and longsuffering. Oh how I would need to be strong in the goodness of the Lord in order to raise well-mannered children!

My trust in Yahweh has become more real and sturdy within the last few years. Nothing of eternal value comes of our own doing – it is only through God that we can do anything. I now understand that a home is not merely a visually appealing place to be kept in spotless order at all times, but a haven of love and safe habitation for growth and immersion in the Word of God. Children who may be placed in my care are not to be objects of pride, but opportunities to manifest the image of Yahweh. All is done through the LORD’s strength and mercy and none of my own ability as I had so foolishly believed in years past.

Why have I not yet been blessed with the role of “wife” and “mother”? My youthful years are quickly fleeting away. Maybe God has been preparing me instead for the return of His son, to be a part of the Bride of Christ, in ways not possible had I indeed become a temporal bride in my youth. Maybe God would like to transform me into becoming a bride of wisdom and grace.

Rather than being a wife set in her own way, desiring everything to be “perfect” through her own doing and then learning the harsh truth of reality after it is too late, God has spared me and given me the gift of Time. These years have not been wasted. No, there are many things to learn. It is now my prayer and my desire to be a virtuous wife, willing to pour myself into the life of my husband, becoming one as his companion on the short journey toward the Kingdom.

Hindsight always provides clear vision. I am very thankful that God has allowed me these years as an unmarried Sister in Christ to grow and be sharpened in His ways. My childhood wish of becoming a mother will not fade, but I can continue to become patient. The development of characteristics that make up a good wife and mother can take a lifetime. Even after marriage, it is a continual process of improvement and trusting in God, no matter the level of preparation we have been blessed with beforehand.

At 27 years of age, can I be found more suitable and prepared to be a bride than when I first entered the marriageable age? I can only hope. However, if God would like to offer me to a man as a wise and gracious bride… well, there is no rush after all. There is still much work to be done.

- by Jennifer W.

It is Wedding Season...What About Us Singles?

It can be challenging to maintain the proper outlook as a single in the midst of wedding season. For those of us who are without a prospective husband, this may be a difficult time as we see so many around us entering into the domain of “wifehood”.

Some close friends may be newly engaged. Our acquaintances and cousins, role models and pals in the blogging world…just about everyone, it seems, is getting married. Or is married. Or is expecting a baby. Or already has a few sweet babies. Everyone that is, except ourselves. Not only that, but for those of us in our middle to late twenties, the majority of these girls are at least two or three years younger than we!

Just moments, days or perhaps even a month before, we may have felt quite convicted in waiting faithfully for the provision of “God’s best” for us in a spouse. Then another person gets engaged. The one who we thought was just like us – she hadn’t a suitor in sight, either, and now even she is happily in love and making wedding plans. Suddenly we plummet from our resting place in the Hand of God into the valley of despair.

What about me? How am I different than all these other girls? Don’t You see that I have been longing for my chance to be a bride?

We may begin to question God as we slip deeper into the pit of self-pity. Our cheerfully warm heart has become cooler. Our interactions become less genuine with those who have the new title of “fiancée”, “Mrs. So-and-so” or “Mama”, or we may avoid their company altogether.

We sit down for a moment and sort through the turmoil in our minds while in solitude. We give ourselves time to ponder why God has blessed so many young ladies with the gift of romantic love and maternal care while our heart aches for an opportunity to have the same. As we park ourselves in the state of disappointment, we begin to think.

We think of all the women whom we have witnessed become brides-to-be, wives and mothers: all those who caused us to question Why them? Why not me? Considering each of their stories, we think of one lady who we have long envied. The one who married a dashing young man in her prime of youth and now has five children with hopes for more. We think of another mother who is struggling with her three little ones under the age of six and wonder why she gets to have three when we haven’t the ability to even have one. Another person comes to mind – a friend who just became engaged and then another with a different story and another...

Our minds become a bit clearer as we sift through the lives of others in our thoughts. We begin to regain peacefulness in our hearts and grasp a proper perspective once again. Yes, those are their stories. Not ours. Would we really want exactly what they have?

When we really think about it, the answer is no. We cannot be another person nor can we desire what another person has. God knows us better than we know ourselves; He knows what’s best. What may not seem “fair” or “right” to us today is actually a blessing in disguise. Our Heavenly Father is perfect. What His will holds for others is uniquely right for them and His plan for our individual lives is more beautiful than we can imagine – if we trust in Him and remain resting in His Hand. Everything that God brings into our lives, both the good and the bad are for our ultimate benefit in the molding of our character.

As we begin to look beyond ourselves and upward once again, we remember how small and insignificant we are in light of an Almighty and Righteous God. We are so very blessed to have even the breath of life! Are we really asking too much from our Father in desiring wifehood and motherhood? It is good to remember our position in relation to the very Creator of heaven and earth.

Though we are but small and insignificant in comparison to all eternity, the Master Designer does indeed care for us and desires to bless us and give us a chance to live forever. We have been created for a reason and God’s intended role for females is to be a helper and companion to man. We can fulfill this position now to our brethren in Christ, our fathers and brothers. God may have a plan to bring a bridegroom into our lives in His timing. We must continue to trust in Him. During the season of sounding wedding bells, we must not become discouraged. We can rejoice in the blessings bestowed upon all those who have entered into the realm of marriage and at the same time, express our thanksgiving to the One who has also so richly blessed us.

It is only natural for a female to long for a companion in a spouse and children to nurture. It is God’s design that we have these instincts. Our spirit must reign over our flesh. We need to guard our hearts from jealousy and coveting the stories of others.

Can we overcome this tendency to envy the blessings of others alone? It is necessary that we ask God for forgiveness and His help in renewing our hearts and minds to His glory. It is comforting to find solace in the listening ear of a parent, elder in the church or a close friend.

Over time, may we gain the wisdom to always count our blessings and be able to maintain focus on what we can do in service to God and our fellow mankind. Rather than looking with resentment to the lives of others who have passed through the season of singleness before us, let us praise God with them for their blessings and pray with them that God will lead them through the trials the new season will bring.

If it is God’s will, He will bring a spouse to us in His time and His way. Let us trust in our Almighty God and surrender our lives to His perfect plan. He will take care of our every need when we commit ourselves to Him.

- by Jennifer W.

No One In Sight?

A young lady commented on last week's "Seasons' Perspectives" that she sometimes felt sad because she was single with no prospects in sight. This reminded me of some of the courtship stories on our site. There are quite a few testimonies of young ladies who seemed to have no hope of getting married because there was no one around. A few examples:

• Ashleigh
• Jeanna
• Jordan
• Erin
• Aimee
• Holly
• Jennifer
• Kristy
  

I am sure that there are more, but this is a good start. If any readers have thoughts or encouragement they would like to pass along, do send it our way.

And if the blog does not have new material everyday you know it is because I'm so busy I often forget to eat, much less make sure things like blogs are up-to-date. But thanks for your patience...I'll make sure that at least three times a week an article is published. Beyond that...we'll have to see.

Seasons' Perspectives

YLCF has been all about marriage and courtship and whatnot lately.Does this mean we do not want to also write about singleness? No...but each of the YLCF Team writes about what the Lord is teaching her in that particular season of life in which He has placed her. Right now